


Find Your Love

by writersneverdie



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2010 Stanley Cup Final, 2010 Winter Olympics, Break Up, College, M/M, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 08:06:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/595419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersneverdie/pseuds/writersneverdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaner doesn’t find out that Tazer has a boyfriend until the third week of the season. He has, like, a legit long-term, long distance boyfriend.</p><p>“So that’s who you are always talking to-your BOYFRIEND?” They are sitting in their hotel room after Jonny had spent the last 45 minutes standing in the hallway shirtless and talking in hushed tones. Kaner had finally asked him who he was always talking to and his mind was blown after Jonny had mumbled that it was Max, his boyfriend. Kaner literally dropped the bottle of gatorade he was holding and mimicked with his hands his head being blown up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find Your Love

**Part One: You’re just jealous cause we’re young and in love**

Being a drafted college hockey player meant that going to class wasn’t actually on the list of things Jonny had to do each day. He would show up on the first day of class and put the handouts the professor gave him nicely folded into the pocket of his shorts. At the end of the day he would have a meeting with his team appointed tutor, unpack the syllabi from his pockets and hand them over.

“Here are the syllabuses for all of my classes this semester-they seem fairly manageable,” Jonny says to the student sitting in his assigned study room.

“Ah, thanks-but I already have them. I have put together a calendar for the semester with the assignments, the readings and the times we will meet to make sure they get done. I will also administer all your tests and will get your professor each of your completed assignments. My name is Max, by the way.”

Max looks like a typical college bro wearing a Minnesota Twins hat backwards, a gray UND t-shirt, khaki cargo shorts and a pair of flip flops. He is more or less the same height Jonny is and he has a similar build. He doesn’t have the same muscle definition as Jonny but he is in good shape. His dark hair curls around the edges of his hat and his eyes are are grey blue.

“Hey Max, excuse me for my rudeness. I’m Jonny, it is nice to meet you. You think you can whip me into academic shape, eh?” Jonny smiles and holds his hand out for Max to shake. He fleetingly thinks that Max has a great smile when he takes his hand to return the gesture.

“I'm going to do enough for you to keep playing hockey."

Jonny smiles and contemplates the person standing in front of him, this is not what he expected out of his tutor at all. He was fairly certain his tutor would be a total nerd alert like last years. Or, just maybe, a hottie who would reward him for good work with sexual favors. Who the fuck was this guy? This guy could be one of his teammates, or a frat brother.

"Are you in a frat?" Jonny asks as he vaguely looks over the calendar Max handed him.

"No, well, kind of. I was last year but it got to be a little too much so I got my own place off campus now. I still hang with all the guys pretty regularly, ya know, not that much to do around here." 

"Awesome,” Jonny always kind of wanted to be in a legitimate frat, “So what's on the agenda for today?"

Max spends the next half hour before he has to go to class explaining the calendar he made. He and Jonathan will meet everyday after morning practice where Max will give him the notes from class and help him with whatever assignment he might have. Jonathan is expected to be keeping up with the reading on his own time. He should have plenty of time when he is in transit or between practice and workouts. Max is in charge of getting everything to and from professors. Jonathan is expected to show up to at least one more class period. Jonathan also learns that Max is pre-med and in his junior year. He grew up in Fargo (or really Moorhead, MN) where he played hockey and his high school team went to the state tournament (it's a big deal in Minnesota). He was on the third line. He goes to most of the UND home games. Jonathan isn't the first athlete he's tutored-it's good money.

"I gotta get to class-I will see you tomorrow after practice, same place," Max says throwing all his shit into his backpack.

"Right, cool. Thanks for doing this," Jonny holds the calendar up, "I will tack this up on the fridge."

"Good-that's the only one you're getting." Max likes to put some sort of expectations on the guys he helps, he tells Jonny, he’s learned that athletes like being told what to do. Jonny laughs, makes a face and says, “you’re a funny guy.”

They walk out of the library together exchanging phone numbers. When they begin to go their separate ways Max turns to Jonny and says, "hey, so, my frat, or former frat, is having it's kick off party this weekend. You should come. Bring some of the guys. They give free beer to all members of the hockey team. I mean you guys attract the girls, so,"

"Oh we are definitely there, thanks for the invite, man. See you tomorrow?"

"Great. Yea, see ya."

Jonathan walks away with a smile on his face. His mom is going to be proud-he made a friend that is not on the hockey team. He should probably call her. First he needs to call TJ and tell him about this frat party.  
___________

Jonny spends the first couple of weekends training in the morning, studying in the mid-morning, hanging with the boys in the afternoon, and going to frat parties with Max and TJ at night. He can’t complain.

At the first couple of parties he sat on nondescript couches talking to Max. They talked about hockey and growing up in the great white north (Moorhead, MN and Winnipeg are only 3 hours away from each other), boarding school (Max thinks it’s hilarious that Jonny went to boarding school), their future aspirations (Max wants to live in a big city and work in the emergency room), past relationships (Max’s are few, Jonny’s are fewer), their families (Max has a little sister and older brother) and anything else that comes up. Jonny’s pretty sure he’s never talked to anyone who wasn’t a teammate this much before but he likes telling Max shit and also listening to stories about Max’s life. TJ makes fun of him at first but once the rookies start coming Jonny start participating more in the party. Max doesn’t seem to mind. He understands what it means to be on a team.  
___________________  
The season gets into full swing about a month after classes start. He feels likes he's in a good place-gelling with the coaches, the guys, the trainers, Max. These are the only people Jonny interacts with consistently. He'll go to a party with a group of guys on the weekends-usually wherever Max invites them- and he usually ends up spending most of the time joking around with TJ doing what they can to make the other guys laugh. They might talk to a few girls (usually they approach them) but they never get quite drunk enough to go home with anyone. He's just too responsible (or too disciplined) (Or not very attracted to girls if he is being real with himself). After last year and all the rookie hazing they were put through (drinking mass amounts of alcohol because some guy two years older than him tells him to was NOT Jonny’s idea of a good time but he knew he had to do it) he is glad that he gets to make his own decisions when it comes to what he wants to do on the weekends.

Max parties by finding a spot to sit in the main room where everyone gathers and mostly just observes, laughing at him and TJ, changing the music if he doesn't like it, talking to whoever happens to sit down next to him. Jonny likes to look up and see Max there, smirking up at him, shaking his head when he does something super ridiculous. He gives Jonny this real judgemental look when he pulls a dick move, like push a girl off his lap after she asks him for a picture before getting up and going to sit on TJ’s yelling at someone to take a picture. But then Jonny blows a kiss at him and Max laughs and he knows it’s probably time to call it a night. Max brings him home and tells him to drink some water and he’ll see him tomorrow.

It's the day before their first regular season home game and he and Max are in the study room. Max is reading his chemistry book while Jonathan takes his psychology quiz. He read this chapter right before he went to sleep last night but he is having trouble concentrating on anything but the upcoming game.

"It’s hard to take a quiz unless you actually read the questions on the page," Max says looking up from his book briefly but continuing to highlight something.

"Yea, right, ah," Jonathan tries to shake himself into the academic zone, cracking his neck to one side, then his knuckles.

"Here give me it," Max snatches the paper away from Jonathan, "sometimes it helps to hear the question said out loud." Jonathan just kind of stares at Max as he reads the question. He might be staring right at his mouth. This isn’t helping Jonny concentrate on the quiz.

"Jonathan, HEY, Jonathan," Max waves his hand in front of his face. "Where in the brain is dopamine stored? That's the first question. Now write down your answer."

He hands the paper back to Jonathan and goes right back to highlighting. He scribbles down his answer and pushes the paper back at Max.

"I told you to stop calling me Jonathan-only my parents call me that. Are the list of nicknames my teammates have not good enough for you?"

"Sorry, JONNY. The second question asks you to draw a map of the brain and label the different parts."

Jonny manages to finish the quiz. Max chuckles when he sees his sketch of the brain but tells him that he thinks he did a good job with the labeling. Jonny feels proud of himself, for finishing the quiz despite multiple distractions and for the compliment Max gave him. That's all he had to do for school work today so he starts to slowly pack his stuff up.

"You're coming to the game, right?"

"Yea, I should be. Just got to finish this reading first-important test coming up."

"Well make sure you get it done, you can't miss the first home game of the year."

"There will be others if I don't make it." Max continues to highlight, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration.

"Nah, come on man, you gotta be there. My parents are coming down for it, they want to meet you."

"I mean, I plan on going, if you would just leave already and let me get to it then my chances of making the game will greatly increase." Max has got an annoyed look on his face and that's Jonny's favorite expression of his. He kind of puckers his lips a little bit, it's pretty adorable. Jonny almost tells Max exactly that when Max interrupts his thoughts with, "Okay, Jonny I promise I will come just go already."

"Alright, alright, I'm going. I'm gonna tell my mom you'll be there. Come down to the locker  
room after the game."

Max nods vaguely but Jonny can see a bit of a smile, he's highlighting what seems to be the entire page he's on. How adorable, Jonathan thinks.

________________

Jonny sees less of Max as the season continues because of the travelling. He manages to keep up with his school work thanks to the calendar Max made, which he brings with him everywhere (he had one of the student managers laminate it for him). Max also makes him call or text every night to confirm that he’s finished what he was supposed to and Jonny looks forward to telling Max that yes he did read chapter 7 and yes he did highlight what he thought were the important parts.

“Good game tonight, I caught the last two periods on TV.” Jonny called Max from his hotel room in Denver because he got 3 points and he has started to need Max to tell him that he did a good job in order for him to actually feel good about anything.

“Thanks, I’m glad you could pull yourself away from your highlighter to watch us play.”

“It was hard, I gotta admit, but sometimes you just gotta know when it’s time to walk away.”

“You’re a little weird, man, but it’s okay I still love you despite your creepy highlighter obsession” Jonny laughs so fondly into the phone he can’t even handle himself for a second, “I haven’t done my school work yet, sorry Professor Max, I just don’t think I am going to get to it tonight.”

“That’s alright, just do it on the plane tomorrow. Look Jonny, good game tonight. I will see you tomorrow.” The line goes dead almost immediately. Jonny pulls his phone away from his ear and looks at it, brow furrowed as he walks back into the main part of the hotel room. TJ looks over at him, “you okay man?”

Jonny looks away from the phone up at TJ, “yeah. Night.”

He gets into bed setting his phone on the the pillow next to him. He replays the conversation over in his head again. He really did do his homework, he was just trying to rile Max up-get him annoyed for a little bit. He thinks about texting Max that he was just kidding, he did everything he had asked Jonny to do, apologize for the highlighter comment, tell him he was just trying to annoy him because he’s just so adorable when he’s annoyed, tell him he can’t wait to be in the study room with him again tomorrow, say goodnight and sweet dreams about human anatomy diagrams and math formulas. But, then he thinks better of it and just goes to bed.

College is turning out a little differently than he imagined. Also, his entire romantic life is turning out a little different than he imagined because he might have those type of intentions for Max.

___________________

Everything goes back to normal after the phone call. They spend time in the study room, Max reading Jonny his quiz questions while he highlights shit and does complex math problems. Jonny actually takes school seriously and not just because he wants to impress Max. Last year he walked away with a decent GPA and he barely talked to his tutor. He probably doesn’t need Max to read him the questions but he enjoys it too much to tell him to stop. The sound of Max’s voice, annoyed but earnest, fills Jonny up a little bit like when he talks to his mom in French or talks hockey with his dad.

“So, there’s a big party this weekend at the frat house, big blow out, a couple of the guys are going to go pregame at this little place downtown, wanna come?” Max asks Jonny as they are walking out of the library.

“Are you inviting my underage ass to the bar?”

“I know the guys, they will serve you-big hockey fans.”

“Can TJ come?”

“I take this as a given, Jonathan, you guys are basically attached at the hip.” Max has a point, Jonny does usually bring TJ with him. He feels more comfortable with himself when he’s around and he always ropes him into doing stupid bro party shit.

“Well okay, Maxwell, meet at your place, how does 8 sound?”

“Yea, yea see you then. Wear something that makes you look like a hockey player but not an underclassman one.”

“I’m not quite sure what that means, so, I’ll do my best.”

Jonny and TJ show up at Max’s place at 7:50 wearing button up shirts, jeans, and backwards baseball caps.

“Does this pass your test, Professor Max?” Jonny gestures to their respective outfits with a sweeping of his hands.

“I guess it’ll do, let’s get going.”

It’s fucking cold outside because it is November in North Dakota. The constant wind travels straight through Jonny’s light jacket and the three of them spend the 10 minute drive not really conversing but more grunt shivering at each other.

They see some of Max’s former frat brothers towards the back by the pool tables when they enter the bar. Max heads to get drinks and Jonny and TJ head towards the guys. TJ announces their presence with a loud “the stars have arrived, let’s get the pregame started!!”

After a few drinks Jonny feels good but his pool game suffers. TJ starts chirping him about it and Jonny gives it back to him just as loudly. A small crowd of people starts to form around them and Max has had to explain from his permanent spot at the closest table that, yes that is Jonathan and TJ from the hockey team, yes they are really cute, yes Jonny has already been drafted into the NHL. Jonny knows that Max hasn’t had too much to drink because he’s the DD and he looks over every so often and makes a face imitating whoever’s talking Max’s ear off at the moment. It makes Max smile all coy-like at him.

Jonny has a girl under his arm and a beer in his hand when the police walk in. They head straight for the pool tables directly approaching TJ and Jonny, hardly even glancing at anyone else in the bar.

“Can we see some ID’s boys?” says the cop with the stupid goatee. The crowd immediately disperses.

“Don’t have it on me sir. We were just leaving.” Jonny manages to sound extremely sober in the situation. Max steps in with his ID out.

“I will be driving these guys back to my place to sleep it off. I am more than okay to drive, sir. Only had one beer in the last three hours.”

“That’s very responsible of you, Max Olson. But before you go I will be giving Jonathan and TJ here citations for underage drinking.” He hands Max his ID back and starts to lead Jonathan and TJ out of the bar. Max grabs their coats and follows.

The cop brings TJ and Jonny to his squad car and makes them sit in the back while he prints up the citations. Jonny hangs his head not once looking over at TJ. Jonny vaguely thinks that he should probably be feeling super ashamed right now, embarrassed maybe. He is a natural born leader and this is not the example he wants to set. But he mostly thinks about Max. The way he looked on the way out of the bar. He looked so mad at himself. Jonny tries to replace the image by thinking about the way he would smile up at him when Jonny pulled a face from across the bar. He hopes that this doesn’t mean that the team will fire Max as his tutor. Oh no, what if they fire Max as his tutor? He needs this job-it’s what is getting him through undergrad.

“What an asshole,” Jonny huffs as he sits down in the passenger seat of Max’s Altima, “he actually asked me for an autograph for his daughter because she’s a big Blackhawks fan and wished us luck on our next game.”

“Might be the biggest douchebag in the entire state of North Dakota,” TJ chimes in from the back seat.

“Let’s get you guys back to my place so you can sleep it off. I think we might have to skip the big party.” Jonny nods his head in agreement placing the right side of his face against the cold window.

“Can you actually bring me to the party? If this isn’t an excuse to get even more shitfaced then I don’t know what is.” TJ doesn’t look to Jonny for approval. He knows he won’t get it, “I’ll find my own way back.”

Max drops TJ off in front of the frat house and he and Jonny drive back to his place with the hum of the heater and the low tones of the radio filling up their silence. 

Max lives on the third floor and although Jonny is an elite athlete he struggles to make it up the flights of stairs, his body feels so heavy. Once they get inside Jonny takes his shoes off and goes to sit on the couch in Max’s living room. His mind wanders with the implications of what happened. All the guys look up to him on the team and he feels like he let them down a little bit. But, everyone on the team drinks-it’s basically a right of passage-he didn’t do anything scandalous or out of the ordinary. The shit they make rookies do gets a little out of hand and all he did was go to bar and enjoy himself with his friends.

“I’m sorry, Jonny,” Max says in a quiet voice handing him a bottle of water from behind the couch.

“Not your fault, you didn’t force me to go. I had a good time. Do you think I’m going to get suspended? Not be able to play the next few games?” His thoughts are spewing out of his mouth, he takes a drink of water to stop himself from saying anything more.

“Could be a real possibility. But they can’t go without you for too long, you’re the best player. I would say one game at the most. A lot of college athletes have done a lot worse.” Max joins Jonny on the couch, sitting down next to him but not looking at him.

“Fuck, Max. I’ve never really been in trouble before.” They are sitting in darkness, more or less. The lights in the entryway and kitchen are on but no others.

“And how does it feel, Jonny Rebel?” Max finally turns and looks at Jonny, shifting his body towards him.

“It makes me feel like I want to do this.” Jonny gently puts his hands on both sides of Max’s face and leans in to lightly brush their lips together. Yes, Jonny thinks. He didn’t realize how long he had been waiting to do this. Max smiles into it and wraps his arms around Jonny’s waist. Yes, this rebellious shit feels real good.

They make out on the couch for a while. Lazy kisses that feel familiar and like they have been doing this for years. It shuts Jonny’s head up and all he his thinking about is the feel of Max’s lips and the feel of his skin under his hands.

Max eventually pulls away with a sigh and a giggle. The sit in silence for a minute both breathing a little heavy.

“Shit,” Max says breaking the silence. Jonny turns his head to look over at him. He is staring straight ahead with a face Jonny’s never seen him make before. It looks like he might be freaking out a little bit.

“Hey,” Jonny says grabbing Max’s hand, “don’t freak out.”

“I’m not freaking out,” he responds squeezing Jonny’s hand. “Are you freaking out?”

“Not really. I have kind of wanted to do that for a really long time.” Max stares into Jonny’s eyes for a second before moving in to kiss him again.

“Good,” he says after pulling away. “You should get some sleep. You’re going to have to do a lot of damage control to do tomorrow.”

Max gives him a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to wear. He offers to sleep on the couch but Jonny rolls his eyes at him and tells him that he’s real chivalrous but Jonny has been sharing beds with dudes for his whole life. Max tries to go into spiel about how this is different but Jonny kisses him and says “just get in the bed, I promise only sleeping is about to happen.”

It takes Jonny a while to fall asleep. His head swirls with so much. Hockey, Max, his parents, the Blackhawks, school, everything. Max grabs his hand, eventually, and that relaxes him enough to fall asleep.

________________

It’s been awhile since they have spent time in the study room. Between the grueling schedule and the intensity of the games he’s beginning to feel a little burnt out. Being back in the study room with Max is exactly where he needs to be right now.

He finished his college algebra quiz 15 minutes ago but Max still has more reading to do so Jonny waits for him to finish. He’s playing a game on his cell phone but he keeps losing and he’s getting antsy. He tries to play footsie with Max under the table but he keeps kicking him away.

“What are you reading about? You look really into it.” He knows asking Max about school shit will actually make him talk to Jonny.

“It’s about human behavior and how important it is to let shit out and tell people what your feeling and what can happen when you hold everything inside.”

“So what kinda shit does happen when you don’t talk about things and just hold them inside?”

“It really depends on the person but common reactions are drinking, drugs, violence, insolation, depression, shit like that.”

“Holy shit. I think I need to start letting my feelings out.” Max smiles at him and takes one of Jonny’s hands and threads their fingers together.

“Tell me how you feel, Jonny. Let it out,” Max says with a sarcastically earnest smirk on his face. Jonny's mind automatically goes to hockey. About how the games have been super intense lately and how frustrated he gets when things don’t go they way he wants.

“What exactly do you want me to let out Doctor?”

“Whatever’s on your mind. Come on, it’s a healthy thing to do-you’re Mr. Healthy, right?” Max put his highlighter down and kicks Jonny’s foot under the table. Jonny kicks him back.

“I feel like you know me pretty well, I talk to you about games and how they go both good and bad.” Jonny usually gives him a recap if Max wasn’t able to watch the game and if he does Max breaks down with him the different plays.

“So what about the other parts of your life. You are more than just hockey.”

“Um, okay. Well, ah,” he is drawing a huge blank-what else does he have to talk about?

“What do you think about us?”

They have been hooking up for a few months now. Max took him out a date before he would sleep with Jonny because that is just the kind of guy he is. They actually drove to Fargo so he wouldn’t get recognized. He treated Jonny to dinner at a nice place in downtown Fargo and then they walked to an outdoor skating rink where they played hockey with a bunch of local youth hockey players. Max pulled Jonny into the bathroom of the warming house when no one was looking to make out with him and then made him sit in the car for the hour long drive home without even touching his dick once. Even though they were both super turned on. Max is so fucking proper about everything and Jonny kind of loves it, it fills his little Canadian heart up.

“You’ve wined me and dined me, what more can a boy ask for?” He laughs before continuing, “I think we are good together.”

“So we are together. Like in a relationship.”

“Yea, I mean, we are, right?”

“I like you, alot, Jonny. You make me happy. We have good, no, great sex and I like taking your out and supporting you in what you do. So, yea, I think we are in a relationship.”

“This is kind of weird, eh? But, yea, I agree, I think that we are good together and you make me feel good. I like hearing you tell me that I did a good job in hockey or in my school shit.”

Max leans across the table and gives Jonny a small kiss. The study room has an entire side of windows so they don’t take it further but it’s those simples little kisses that make him feel the best.

“I think this means we’re boyfriends.” Huh, Jonny never thought about the word before. He knows that he and Max do all the shit that people in relationships do but the word boyfriend hadn’t really crossed his mind. He tries it out in his head a few times, Max is his boyfriend.

“I guess so.” Jonny can’t help but smile and squeeze Max’s hand.  
__________________

At practice later that day Jonny suddenly has a little bit of a panic. He hears one of the guys talking about his girl back home and how he misses her but he feels like he is missing out on the whole college experience by being in a relationship. He automatically thinks of Max and smiles. But then he feels a wave of panic. He has a boyfriend. A whole new bag of worms opens up when he realizes that he can’t walk up to the guys on his team and tell them about how much he misses Max when they go on road trips. Not that he ever wants to talk to the guys about personal shit. He is more or less all business, he knows that hockey is his job but not everyone on his team is in the same situation. He lets himself be a little bit overwhelmed as he skates a few laps around the nets. He eventually puts a puck on his stick, gets in line for the shootout drill, does his signature breakaway move, scores a goal, and he feels like Jonathan Toews again. And Jonathan Toews has a boyfriend named Max Olson and that’s that, that’s who he is.

__________________

It’s the end of the hockey season and Jonny knows he’s not going to be back next year. His classes don’t mean anything because he no longer needs to keep in good academic standing to be a member of the hockey team. But, he doesn’t like to start shit he’s not going to finish and Max doesn’t either. So Jonny is taking his finals, in the actual classroom with the other actual students in his class. Max will not be in attendance.

Max helps him study, of course, the night before at his place. They order some pizza and set up shop in the living room, Jonny with his one textbook and a whole bunch of math worksheets and Max with a stack higher than their sitting bodies and 3 highlighters of different colors that definitely have different meanings.

Jonny is doing practice math problems that Max is writing for him. He gets a kiss if he gets them all right. Jonny says, “my dreams are actually coming true right now,” after the first worksheet and Max laughs at him and kisses him again.

“No more until I finish this section and you finish your next worksheet.” Jonny groans at him and reluctantly gets back to work. He can’t help but look over at Max every time he has to stop and think. He has each of the highlighters stuck between different fingers looking like he is some sort of highlighter wolverine. Jonny thinks his jaw might fall off because he’s not used to smiling this much. He’s kind of in disbelief of his life.

“Finished, Professor Max.” He doesn’t even flinch at Jonny. He scoots over to him and puts his arms around his waist making sure he doesn’t disturb the delicate highlighter/textbook situation going on. “I finished and I know I got them all right so let’s just skip the part where you check my obviously correct answers and get to the good part.” He still doesn’t look at Jonny. “Max.” He nuzzles his head into his neck. “Baby. Come on, just give me one kiss and I promise I will leave you alone with your highlighters for the next 30 minutes.” He finally gets a response, Max turns his head to him and fits their lips together. Jonny brings his hand up to cradle Max’s face and deepen the kiss a bit. Max pulls away with a small sigh and says, “I’m sorry but you need to leave because I need to study.”

“I’m going. I’ll be in your bed watching TV. Come join me when you’re done.” He gets a wolverine wave in response and Jonny can’t help but smile, again, and shake his head. Who knew he was such a fucking romantic?  
________________

5 months later

Kaner doesn’t find out that Tazer has a boyfriend until the third week of the season. He has, like, a legit long-term, long distance boyfriend.

“So that’s who you are always talking to-your BOYFRIEND?” They are sitting in their hotel room after Jonny had spent the last 45 minutes standing in the hallway shirtless and talking in hushed tones. Kaner had finally asked him who he was always talking to and his mind was blown after Jonny had mumbled that it was Max, his boyfriend. Kaner literally dropped the bottle of gatorade he was holding and mimicked with his hands his head being blown up.

“Yea, Kaner, I know this comes as a bit of a shock but I have a boyfriend named Max whom I just got done talking on the phone with. I am now going to go to bed. Goodnight.” Tazer gets into his bed and turns off the lamp on his side of the room. He loudly fluffs the pillows under his head and faces away from Kaner.

He looks over at Jonny and just keeps saying “boyfriend.” He can’t quite get his head around this new piece of information. He’s known Tazer for a while and so far he has proven to be pretty boring off the ice. He is always so serious about everything. He’s heard stories from other guys who knew Jonny while he was in college who say he wasn’t always so uptight but no one mentioned that he has a boyfriend. He doesn’t even remember anyone saying anything about some dude named Max. Kaner has so many questions about him. He suddenly wants to know everything about Max. People are supposed to go to college and go crazy, not get boyfriends. Kaner’s mind just keeps swirling until he finally falls asleep muttering one last “boyfriend” before he dozes.

When Kaner wakes up the next morning Jonny already has breakfast ordered for them. He gets out of bed, stretches and sits down next to Tazer at the table. After a quick good morning, thanks for breakfast, he gets right to business. Jonny looks awake enough.

“So, tell me everything about your boyfriend, Max, right?” Tazer got him exactly what he wanted, oatmeal with brown sugar, orange juice, scrambled eggs with syrup.

“Um, okay, what do you want to know?”

“Everything I said, like, how did you meet him, how long have you been boyfriends? Where is he from, what does he do, does he play hockey? How come it took you so long to tell me?” Kaner knows he’s being annoying right now but he’s just so curious.

“We’ve been dating for, like, a year now, I think. He was my tutor,” Kaner holds out his fist for Jonny to bump, “He’s a senior now, he’s pre-med. He’s from Fargo, or really Moorhead, Minnesota. He did play on the hockey team in high school, right wing. He’s a good guy, a good boyfriend.”

“Wow, you gotta smarty pants on your hands, eh?” Kaner is trying to picture what this hockey playing, pre-med tutor and boyfriend of Jonny looks like.

“Yea, he’s really smart, and a great tutor. He used to, like, read me my quiz questions, not that I couldn’t read them myself.”

“Is that a euphemism for something? Reading quiz questions?” Kaner does kind of want to talk to Jonny about his sex life with his boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to push any of Jonny’s boundaries. To be honest the fact that he is so interested is a little weird. He goes through life not asking a lot of questions. But this is Jonny and they became such fast friends even though they have super different personalities and he suddenly needs to know everything about Max and Jonny and once he puts his mind to something he’s got to follow through.

“No, sicko. I was just trying to explain that he was a good tutor. He, get this, was also in a frat.”

“You’re dating a frat brother?” Kaner really cannot get a picture of this guy in his head.

“Well, he left the frat after his sophomore year to concentrate on school, but he would bring us, me and TJ and the other guys, to the frat parties. It was a good time.”

“Huh, crazy. Do you have a picture of him. I need to see what this guy looks like.”

Jonny walks over to his bed and gets his cell phone. He opens up to a picture of him and Max after a game in what looks like the UND locker room. Jonny is smiling so proudly with his arm around this really cute frat bro looking guy.

“Huh, Jonny, your boyfriend is actually cute.”

“He’s real adorable, eh?”

“You, on the other hand, are one ugly motherfucker. Max could do much better.”

Jonny punches Kaner in the shoulder, Kaner holds his arm in a mock showing of pain. He can’t get the picture of Jonny and his boyfriend out of his head. Jonny just looked so proud of himself, of Max. “Boyfriend, eh?” Kaner mutters one more time as he heads to the shower. He’ll pick up the questioning later.  
______________

A few weeks pass and Kaner stops being so obsessed with talking to Jonny about his boyfriend. He’s asked him every questions he can think and Jonny has answered most of them. He doesn’t know why Jonny seems so willing to share all this information with him but he thinks it might be because he doesn’t have anyone else to talk to about it. He told his mom about them and a little while after that his dad and David but no one else knows. Not even TJ. His parents were a little shocked at first but took it pretty well. Plus, they like Max, Jonny said, so that made it easier. But he’s never told any of the boys, except for Kaner. He keeps his knowledge about Max to himself, not even mentioning his name in front of any of the other guys. Jonny thanks him one night as they are leaving the United Center. “Of course, man, your secret is safe with me.”

Kaner goes out with the guys in Edmonton and Jonny stays in to, probably like, watch romantic comedies with Max over the phone or something. He gets a little too drunk at the bar but they are in Canada and the older guys just keeping feeding him drink after drink. Being the rookie, he doesn’t feel like he is able to say no, so he just keeps downing whatever anyone hands him. By the look of his shirt the drinks haven’t all landed in his mouth. Maybe this is why he has struck out with every girl in the bar tonight. When Sharpy pulls off his barstool and tells him it is time to go a sense of relief surges through him.

When he gets into the room Jonny’s on the phone. He quickly starts to end the conversation and Kaner hears him say, “love you, Maxwell,” really softly.

“HEY MAX-JONNY’S BOYFRIEND.” Kaner yells across the room as he flops down on his bed.

“We already hung up. Rough night, buddy?”

“Oh you know, the usual, drinks and striking out and more drinks. What did you do tonight, loverboy?” Kaner stands up and starts to strip off his nasty t-shirt and toe off his shoes. He goes into the bathroom for a minute and takes off his pants before coming back out and heading straight for mini fridge. He feels like he needs to be more drunk right now.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, Pat?” Jonny still has his phone in his hand, probably texting Max that he misses him already.

“Would you like something?” Kaner pulls out every mini bottle of alcohol in the fridge and scoots next to Jonny in his bed. He hands a bottle over to Jonny but he pushes his hand away.

“How’s your boyfriend doing?” Kaner downs a tiny bottle of vodka in one shot.

“He’s good, he’s gonna to come to the game in Chicago over Thanksgiving break.” Kaner rests his head on Jonny’s amazing shoulder. He’s so warm and he smells so good. A quick-fuck, fuck, fuck-runs through his mind before he returns to how good it feels to be this close to Jonny.

“I will finally get to meet him, eh?”

“Yea, Pat, come on, get into your own bed, you can’t sleep here.”

“How do you do it, Jonny. The long distance. Aren’t you just so horny all the time?” Kaner doesn’t move. He sticks his nose into Jonny’s neck a little bit.

“Kaner, you’re drunk. I’m going to help you into your bed now.” Jonny gets out of his bed and pulls Kaner out with him.

“Jonny. Tazer. You didn’t answer my question. I could help you out, you know. As a friend. Help you when you are missing Max in that way. I’m really good at shit.” He seems to be going all in tonight. The alcohol is making things progress much faster than his sober brain would let them.

“Goodnight, Patrick. Sleep well.” Tazer puts the blankets over his face.

Kaner pops his head back out,“think about it, Jonny. You don’t have to tell Max. It could just be between us. You know I am good at keeping secrets and I think about it sometimes, you know,” Kaner passes out before he gets the chance to finish what he was trying to say.

The next morning Pat’s head is fucking pounding. Thankfully, Jonny has breakfast already there for him, and a bottle of aspirin.

“Welcome back to the world, Sunshine.” Jonny deadpans at him from across the room. He looks like he already worked out this morning.

“Fuck you.” Kaner stumbles a bit on his way to the bathroom. After inhaling a cup of shitty tap water and taking what is probably too many aspirin he thinks about last night. Did he really proposition Jonny? He might have had a little too much to drink. His bro’s in London always did use to tell him he got a little gay he he got drunk. He knew he is a little gay even when he’s NOT drunk but the alcohol definitely blurs his boundaries.

He sits down with Jonny at the table and says, “so last night might of been a little too much.”

“Ya think?” The toast Jonny is eating looks real nasty. He takes it all back.

“Yea, ah, look Jonny,” Kaner isn’t sure how to say this, “sorry about what I said, ya know, before I fell asleep. I would never, ya know, want to do anything to, like, jeopardize your relationship with your, ah, boyfriend. With Max.” Jonny just lets Pat stumble through the apology while he sips on his protein drink.

“You were pretty drunk, Kaner. Maybe we shouldn't do that again. It might help you in not saying stupid shit.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jonny’s finishes his breakfast and starts getting his stuff together to get to morning skate. Kaner tries to scarf down his food so he can walk down to the bus with him. As they are in the elevator Jonny turns to Kaner and says, “thanks, you know, for apologizing about last night.” Kaner nods his head at him and they spend the rest of the ride making faces at each other in the mirrored ceiling of the elevator.  
_____________

Jonny’s body buzzes as he waits for Max at the airport. He’s a little early but he couldn’t sit with Kaner at his apartment anymore and listen to his endless rambling. “Come on, just let me chill out here and meet Max. I promise I will leave within 5 minutes of him getting here. 10 tops.”

Jonny was already putting his shoes on and he didn’t need to leave for at least 15 more minutes. “How many times do I have to tell you, no. You will meet Max after the game tomorrow when we go to dinner. He going to be touring some college campuses and meeting with advisors before everyone takes off for the break.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll meet him after the game tomorrow, geez.”

“Good, Kaner, now get out and go back to your place. I’m leaving soon.”

“Should of took it a little easier on the cologne, buddy.” Kaner waves his hand in front of his nose as he walks through the door Jonny’s holding open for him. He rolls his eyes at Pat but when he steps into the elevator he pinches the front of his shirt and brings it up to his nose. He thinks he put on a perfectly reasonable amount of cologne. He cracks the window in the car for a few minutes on the way to the airport just in case Kaner is right.

Finally, Jonny sees Max walk out of the airport and across the walkway to his car. He’s wearing a black peacoat, a pair of jeans and his Minnesota Twins ball cap. Jonny’s stomach might drop a little bit when he sees Max smile at him through the car window. He throws his bag into the open trunk, closes the door and jumps into Jonny’s car. He immediately takes the hand Jonny’s holding out to him.

“Hey babe.” Max kisses Jonny’s knuckles lightly.

“Hey, how was the flight?”

“Fine. Glad to be back on solid ground.”

“I’m glad you made it.” Jonny and Max talk about the agenda for the weekend as they drive back to Jonny’s place. He keeps his grip on Max’s hand, reaching over a few times for a quick peck when at a red light. He knew that he missed Max, but he wasn’t expecting to feel like this, like he’s a kid again and his parents just picked up from Shattuck for winter break.

When they get up to Jonny’s place Max sets his stuff down and looks around. “This place is about a million times nicer than my place but you have, like, nothing in here, Jonny.”

“Haven’t really had much time to decorate, but I got all the essentials. Want a tour?”

“You have a bed right?” Max raises his eyebrows at Jonny. It has been a long time since they have seen each other. Jonny smiles wickedly at his boyfriend. This is exactly why he didn’t want Kaner here when they got back.

Jonny grabs Max’s bag with one hand and starts pulling him towards his bedroom with the other, “We’ll start there.”  
_______________

They win the game and Jonny feels even better than he usually does after a W. He goes through his post game rituals and waits for Kaner, impatiently, to finish his so they can meet Max for dinner. Max is waiting for them right outside the locker room slumping against the wall with a book in hand. He closes the book and tucks it under his arm after he sees Jonny and Pat coming out of the locker room.

“Max, hey, this is Patrick Kane.” Jonny puts his hand on Max’s back as he introduces the two.

“Very nice to meet you. I have been dying to meet this elusive Max Tazer is always talking about.” Kaner shakes Max’s hand and holds on a few seconds too long making Max awkwardly glance at Jonny.

“Nice to meet you too, Pat. You guys played really well tonight.” The three of them start walking towards the parking garage to Jonny’s car. He made them reservations at his favorite restaurant.

“Thanks, man. Tazer played just okay but we still managed to get the win so that’s what matters. Huh, Taze?” Jonny isn’t exactly listening to what Kaner says, all his chirping has gone in one ear and out the other tonight.

He bumps his shoulder into Max’s and looks over at Kaner, “well only one of us here got a point tonight and that person was not you, so.”

“Yea, yea, Jonny just get in the car, would ya?” Kaner almost tries to get in the front seat, Jonny has to pull him towards his side of the car.

The restaurant is fairly empty given the time. Jonny orders water for he and Max and Kaner orders wine. Of course, Jonny thinks, always.

“So, Max, tell me how you put up with dating this guy.”

Max looks a little uncomfortable, Jonny notes, but he’s never been that social of a guy. Plus Kaner is a little overbearing sometimes.

“He’s not so bad.”

“Not so bad? Have you seen those weird drinks he gets? What is that all about?”

“Have you ever tried them? Some of them actually taste pretty good and they are really good for you, too.” Max grabs Jonny’s hand under the table and it relaxes him a little bit. He really wants Max to like Patrick but he’s not doing himself any favors here.

“See, Kaner, you should listen to him, he’s going to be a doctor.”

“Yea, how was it trying to tutor this guy. I am sure it is not easy to get him to do anything that isn’t playing hockey.”

“It was pretty easy, really. Jonny’s smart. He’s not all beauty.” Max smiles at Jonny and squeezes his hand a bit. Jonny smiles back at him and sees Kaner roll his eyes from across the table.

“Ew, you gotta be lying. He told me you had to, like, read him his quiz questions and shit.”

“Did he now?” The waiter interrupts and they order. Kaner asks for another glass of wine.

“Yea, so about you being a doctor-how did the college tours go? You think you might come here for school?”

“I am definitely considering it. There are some really great schools in Chicago.”

“Chicago is a great fucking city, man, great fucking city.” The wine is starting to have an effect on Kaner, he’s already starting to repeat himself. Jonny orders him a water when the waiter comes by to tell them their food is almost ready.

“Plus, I hear they have a pretty good hockey team.”

“You are right on that account sir, very right.”

“They have these two rookies who I hear are the future of the franchise.” Max seems to have relaxed a bit and might be warming up to Kaner. Jonny’s proud of him.

“One of them is a fucking hockey god, the other is just alright.”

He reluctantly drops Max’s hand because he see the waiter coming with their food, “oh whatever Kaner, let’s think about who got the point tonight. I will give you a hint, it wasn’t number 88.”

“Alright I’ll give you that, but how messy is this guy, huh, Max? He’s always throwing his shit on my side of the room.” Jonny lets Kaner get one last dig in before the food distracts him.

They eat talking about local Chicago landmarks and the different schools Max visited. Kaner asks him what kind of doctor he wants to be and Max tells him about how he wants to work in emergency medicine because of it’s fast paced atmosphere, kind of like hockey. Jonny spends most of the dinner looking over at Max being happy that he is finally here and trying to keep Kaner under control by kicking him under the table when he says something out of line or telling the waiter not to serve him anymore wine on his way to the bathroom.

When they get back to their apartment building Kaner is a little wobbly on his feet. The elevator dings for Kaner’s floor and he clumsily turns towards them and says, “it was nice to meet you, Jonny’s boyfriend.” Jonny has his arm around Max’s shoulders and Max is leaning most of his weight on him. He just wants to be in bed with Max’s arm around him already.

“It was nice to meet you too, Jonny’s teammate.”

Pat holds his hand out for Max to shake. “I compliment you for dealing with this guy, but someone’s gotta do it, eh?”

“Goodnight, Kaner,” Jonny softly pushes Pat out of the elevator, “drink some water before you go to sleep.”

“Goodnight gentlemen,” Kaner yells through the closing door.

Jonny pulls Max into a tight hug kissing him on the neck, “I’m sorry for that mess.”

“I’m just happy to be here, babe.” Max turns Jonny’s head so they can properly kiss.

“Me too.”

He thinks about texting Pat to make sure set his alarm for morning skate but gets distracted by Max’s hands and mouth and everything and forgets.  
_______________

Kaner gets back to his apartment and jumps in the shower. He isn’t as wobbly on his feet as he was acting at dinner. He drank the water that Jonny kept ordering for him. He jumps in the shower and keeps replaying the evening-the image of Jonny with his arm over Max’s shoulder in the elevator, their hands clasped under the table (he purposely dropped his napkin to look), the way Jonny would smile at Max. Jonny doesn’t smile like that at him. Fuck, Kaner thinks. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He lets himself be sad about it while he washes his hair, using the soap to jerk himself off to Jonny’s image. Then he’s tells himself that Jonny is just his best friend, and that’s it. His teammate, that’s it. Jonny is Max’s boyfriend.  
_______________

The rest of the season goes by quicker than Jonny thought it would. Max comes to the games in Minnesota and a few in Chicago. He got into med school at Columbia and Jonny flew him out to LA when they were playing the Kings to celebrate. Their interactions with Kaner are still pretty disastrous. He succeeds in getting Max drunk in LA and he’s so proud of himself. It’s as if he just pulled off the greatest Sharpy prank ever but when he heads over to Jonny to boast about getting his boyfriend drunk he sees Jonny and Max arguing outside a cab. When Max felt himself getting a little too drunk he called himself a cab and he’s trying to convince Jonny to stay and hang with Patrick who will need his help getting home. Jonny looks so sad when he says, “but we’re celebrating you tonight.” Max kisses him on the cheek and gets in the cab. Jonny sees that Kaner is standing off a few feet away and tells him they are getting the next cab. Pat just shakes his head and goes to stand next to him and wait.

When Pat invites himself to after game dinners he never stops talking shit about Jonny to Max and Max quietly defends his honor. He’s given up hope of them being friends but Max puts up with Pat’s presence and barely ever asks Jonny to get rid of him even when he gets too drunk at nice dinners and starts to get a little too touchy-feely.

After a great win they go out with a couple guys (Max is introduced as Jonny’s friend from college) and because they are in Chicago, Pat is getting all the attention he loves and is therefore getting too drunk on both alcohol and female attention. Jonny feeds Kaner as much water as possible but still has to carry him all the way into his apartment and tuck him into bed while Max waits outside in the hallway. Jonny comes out trying to look at Max as apologetically as possible.

They get back to Jonny’s place and are half way naked and mostly to Jonny’s bed when Max says, “Kaner’s so disastrously in love with you, Jonny. It’s kind of hard to watch.”

“What?” Jonny has to pull himself away from Max’s neck, “that’s not true, that’s just the way Kaner is.” He dives back into the spot he’d been working on and puts his hand down Max’s pants for good measure.

“Jonny he’s an absolute trainwreck with you around. He is a complete junior high boy.”

“That’s just kind of who Kaner is-he’s been a trainwreck since I met him. He’ll grow out of it.” He didn’t used to get so drunk at every meal like he does now. And he is always making him drink a lot of water so Jonny’s not sure how he manages to get so belligerent but he’s used to it. Kaner has always been kind of a baby and Jonny stepped into the role of taking care of him when coach assigned them to room together so he is just doing what the coach wants. Kaner understands him in a way no one elses does because of the situation they have been put in with the Blackhawks. So, he’s just looking out for his best friend.

He forcefully sticks his tongue in Max’s mouth both to stop the conversation and distract his own thoughts. It’s super dirty and kind of out of character for Jonny but it works and the subject is dropped.

Max fucks Jonny for the first time that night and it is so good, so so good.

______________

Jonny goes back to Winnipeg after the season ends. It is only a 3 hour drive from Fargo, 2 from Grand Forks. Home feels good-rejuvenating. He and Max take turns making the drive, sometimes they meet in Grand Forks and get a hotel for the weekend. It’s the end of July and Jonny finally buys a plane ticket for Max to spend his last week in Winnipeg with him before going back to Chicago. Max isn’t moving down until the end of August right before classes start.

They spend the week on the lake mostly. Max loves the water just as much as Jonny does, maybe even more. Kaner calls a couple times a week, usually really late at night. Jonny almost always answers. He asks to talk to Max but Jonny never lets him. Just says, “goodnight Kaner. Drink some water before you go to bed and, brush your teeth, too.”

“Okay, mom, geez. I haven’t even drank any alcohol since last weekend. Tell your boyfriend I said hi,”

“Bye Kaner. See you next week.”

“Next week, yeah, bye Jonny-I hope you are getting laid tonight because lord knows I am not.”

Jonny hangs up and snuggles back into his little spoon position, “Kaner says hi.”

Max kisses the top of his head, weaves their fingers together, “let’s get some sleep, babe.”

“Yea, love you.”

Jonny hears Max say, “love you too, so much,” right before he drifts off.

______________

Jonny’s mom drives them both to the airport the next morning. Their flights leave at about the same time. They get some breakfast and sit down outside Max’s terminal because his flight leaves first.

Jonny’s eating a fruit cup when Max says, “look, Jonny.” He puts a piece of pineapple in his mouth and turns to look at Max, showing him he’s listening. “Jonathan. I think. You know how much I want to be a doctor right?”

“Of course, and you’re going to be a fucking great one.” Max is making him a little nervous.

“Being a doctor is everything to me and being a hockey player is everything to you, right?”

“Yea, Max, what’s going on?” Max takes his hand. Jonny puts his cup of fruit on the chair next to him.

“I think we need to maybe just concentrate on being a doctor and a hockey player. School is going to be really crazy and I don’t want, I mean, I can’t have any, you know, distractions, because I just. I just need to be a doctor.” Jonny is not exactly sure what Max is trying to say here but he thinks that he might be breaking up with him, in the fucking airport.

“Max, I’m not trying to stop you from being a doctor. I want you to be a doctor. Fuck, I want that more than anything. What are trying to say?” A wave of panic flows through him.

“I’m trying to say that we should maybe stop this, you know, you and I.” Jonny pulls his hand away and stands up, stretches his arms above his head.

“But you’re coming to Chicago.” Max takes his hands and pulls him back so he is sitting again.

“I know, Jonny. I’m coming to Chicago to become a doctor and you’re going to be in Chicago to be a hockey player. You and Patrick Kane are going to win a Stanley Cup for Chicago and I am going to be a doctor and we are not going to get in the other person's way.” Jonny wants to punch this guy in the face, but also wants to cry but he’s in an airport in fucking Winnipeg where this is his boyfriend and he is breaking up with him. What the fuck?

“I thought we had something good here, something really good and, like, permanent and something where we are in shit together, no matter what the shit is.” Now he’s getting kind of angry. He has worked hard for what he has with Max, he has invested a lot of time and feelings and he thought they were on the same page.

“We do, Jonny. We have something so good. I love you, so much Jonny that it scares me a little bit. I just want to take care of you, you know? But, I have to be a doctor, Jonathan, and you have to be a hockey player.” The loudspeaker announces that they will begin boarding in approximately 5 minutes. “Come here, Jonny.”

Max leads them to a family type one person bathroom. Once Max locks the door he wraps his arms around Jonny’s waist. Jonny puts his arms around Max’s neck and let’s a few tears escape. “I don’t know why you are doing this Max. I don’t understand.”

“I just. I just have to Jonny.” He kisses Jonny and Jonny sighs into it, winces a little when Max pulls away. “I love you, okay, I love you more than anything.”

“I don’t get it. Fuck you, Max, why?” Jonny hears them announce that boarding is beginning for Max’s flight.

“That’s my flight, I, I gotta go.” Max kisses Jonny one more time and then lets go. “I’m sorry, Jonny. Just, I love you. Just be, ah, you just need to be a hockey player, okay?” Max leaves Jonny in the bathroom at that. He doesn’t come back.

He’s not sure how he manages to make it to his terminal and does not remember finding his seat or putting his bag in the overhead compartment or ordering the water in front of him. Suddenly he’s in his car in the long term parking lot. He hasn’t put the keys in the ignition yet. He feels like he needs to skate right now, he needs to be in an ice rink with a puck on his stick weaving seamlessly through whatever obstacles he decides to set up. He feels like his body might explode if he doesn’t get to an ice rink immediately.  
___________________

**Part Two: Hands steadily purexed but never quite clean**

Kaner gets back to Chicago a few days before Tazer does. He goes out with the guys who are already in town and it feels great to be back with the boys. Pre-season hang out sesh’s are the best because everyone is so hopeful and happy and rested. Clubs are packed and not everyone there knows who they are because it’s the off season. He hooks up a few times. The girls (and 1 guy) never want his number in the morning and he doesn’t ask for theirs. If he’s honest with himself, he knows that he doesn’t put 100% into it and it probably shows.

Tazer texts him to let him know he’s back in his apartment and Kaner gives him a few hours before bugging him. He had kind of a crazy time last night and needed to make himself presentable before seeing Jonny again. He’s napped and showered before he knocks on Jonny’s door.

Jonny answers the door in sweatpants and nothing else. He looks beat.

“What happened to you Taze? It is only, like, an hour flight from Winnipeg to here.”

“Nice to see you too, Kaner.” Jonny walks into the kitchen and pulls a beer out of the fridge.

“You hungry? I was thinking we could order some food in.” Jonny hands him a beer, “I had the craziest fucking experience last night man. You wouldn’t believe what I did.” Jonny takes the take out menus from their magnets on the fridge and spreads them out in front of Kaner on the breakfast bar.

“I would probably believe it.” Kaner points at the menu for the deli downstairs, Jonny knows what he wants.

“Get this, Jonny. I had a threesome. With a chick and her boyfriend. It was wild, man, wild. She was so hot, blonde and leggy and awesome. Her boyfriend was just as hot, too, man, real ripped. She was so into it too.” Jonny raises an eyebrow at him and takes his phone out and calls the deli. Kaner waits for him to place their order before continuing. “She was into me and her and me and him. Might of been the craziest thing I’ve ever done, man.”

“Sounds like you had a great night, Kaner, way to go.” Pat doesn’t sense any real excitement in Tazer’s voice.

“Are you moping because you aren’t going to see your precious, adorable Max for a month?” Jonny winces a little bit when he says Max’s name. “Saying goodbye was that bad, eh?”

Jonny looks up at him with the saddest fucking puppy dog eyes Kaner has ever seen.

“He maybe, ah, he. Max. He, ah, he broke up with me?” Those certainly are not tears Kaner sees gathering in Tazer’s eye. Jonny is not the crying type.

“He WHAT? Why?” He feels an anger starting to boil in his stomach.

“Because he needs to be a doctor? And I, ah, I need to be a hockey player?” Everything Jonny’s saying comes out like a question.

“Um, okay, that makes, like, no sense.” He moves across the kitchen towards Jonny who moves away from him.

“He said he doesn’t want to have any distractions when he starts med school and that I shouldn’t have any distractions from being a hockey player.” Jonny won’t let Pat get anywhere near him.

“Fuck him, Jonny. Fuck him. When does he move to Chicago. I’m gonna find out. I’m gonna find out and them I am going to go to his fucking dorm room on the first day of school and punch him in the face.” He can feel his face getting really red. “And the balls, too.” Jonny cracks the tiniest of smiles for a second before regaining the lost puppy dog look.

“I can’t believe he broke up with me, Kaner. I really loved him, I was ready to like call it a day and settle down with him.” Holy shit, he’s never heard him be so emotional. It tears him up a little bit, seeing Jonny like this. For some reason Jonny trusts him enough to let him see him like this.

The doorbell rings and Jonny goes to the door. He gets a few plates out and sets them on the coffee table in the living room. When Jonny comes back with the food he crashes his body into the couch.

“He broke your heart, huh, Jonny?” Kaner can’t stand the way he looks right now, all vulnerable and sad. He looks like they just lost 100 hockey games and all because Jonny missed the winning breakaway goal and every goal the other team scored happened because he got a penalty.

“Let’s just eat, Kaner, and talk about something else.” Jonny turns on the NHL network and they eat while watching the Stanley Cup playoffs from 2003. They make comments about different plays that happen during the game, talk a little about the upcoming season.

Jonny gets up during a commercial break during the third period to clean up their plates. He comes back and sits back down, a little closer than he was before.

“He really did break my heart, Kaner.” Jonny finally lets Pat give him a hug.

They stay that way on the couch, Jonny with his head on Kaner’s shoulder. Kaner running his hand up and down Jonny’s shoulder as they watch hockey.  
_____________________

They have a full week before the convention and Patrick decides that he needs to make sure Jonny’s in a better head space before he has to be in front of screaming fans and answer a million questions. He knows Jonny will be fine and professional and serious but he wants to somehow make him feel a little less heartbroken before he has to endure it.

His plan consists of: 2 workouts per day, stand up comedy specials, protein shakes and MarioKart. He also decides he is going to move into Jonny’s guest room for the next week because he shouldn’t be alone.

“Go home, Kaner, seriously.” It’s Tuesday and Pat isn’t planning on leaving until at least Friday afternoon.

“Can’t do it, project has just started.” He made them both sandwiches and protein shakes after the morning workout and Jonny seems to like it.

“What project is that? Because I’m fine, it’s just going to take a little time.”

“I have vowed to cheer you up before we have to deal with the craziness of the Blackhawk fan base this weekend because the last thing we need to do is parade Heartbreak Barbie in front of the ruthless female hockey fan.”

Jonny looks up over at him and chuckles. It’s the first time he has seen Jonny smile. His stomach flips over once.

“Heartbreak Barbie?”

“Not for long, Taze.”

On Thursday, Jonny doesn’t get out of bed for their morning workout. Patrick lets him sleep through his alarm because he heard him get up and go to the kitchen at least 3 times last night. When Jonny finally decides to leave the cocoon of his bedroom, he’s showered but still wearing sweats.

“Rough night?” Pat gets up from the couch and sits down at the breakfast bar.

“I guess.” Jonny’s grabbing the supplies needed for a bowl of cereal.

“What’s up?” He gets a huge sigh and a long silence in response. This isn’t a new thing in their relationship, they talk to each other about shit going on in their lives all the time. He knows he just has to ask Jonny if he wants him to unload what he’s thinking about on him. They have found a good balance now that Jonny decided emotional shit is on the table to talk about after his post breakup confessions.

“It’s just. I don’t. It’s weird to think about my life without thinking about him. I had so many plans for our life and now it’s just my life again. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. You loved him. We all have dreams as kids about what our life is going to be like with someone by our sides and once you started getting serious with Max you put him in those pictures in your head.” Pat’s dreams always involved a Stanley Cup and a huge house with the most epic electronics and a blob of a good looking person to kiss him when he leaves the room. And does his laundry. Jonny’s probably looks nothing like that (except for the Stanley Cup part).

“Maybe I put too many expectations on him. We’re too young. I shouldn’t have got so deep so fast.”

“That isn’t all your fault though, he never, like, threw you signals that things were moving too fast, did he?”

“Not any that I picked up on.” Jonny sits down on the stool next to him. He’s brought the entire box of Honey Bunches of Oats (cheat cereal) and a gallon of milk with him, “want some?”

“No thanks, already ate.”

“I think I am going to call him.”

“What? No, no, no. Bad idea, Tazer.”

“I just need to know why, a more complete explanation.” He’s got a mouth full of honey bunches.

“I have read enough of my sisters’ Teen books and magazines to know that calling him is a horrible idea. If I have to confiscate your phone I will.”

“I don’t want to call him to beg him to take me back. I just want to talk and make him tell me why, we were cut off at the airport.”

“You miss him, Jonny. That is natural, but calling him and hearing his voice and letting him explain is not going to help. He’s a fucking idiot, okay? He didn’t know what he had and then he gave it up and he might be the dumbest motherfucker alive.” That’s not where he planned on going but that seems to be where his mouth led him.

“I obviously did something wrong and I want to know what. I need to know what.”

“That’s bullshit, Jonny. You didn’t do anything wrong. All you did was fall in love with someone and do everything you could to make it work. If he couldn’t recognize that then fuck him.”

“I keep trying to tell myself that, but it’s kind of stopped working.”

“Listen. Jonny. This isn’t even about Max right now, okay? This is about you and making you realize you didn’t do anything wrong and that you are a great fucking catch and that you will find someone else and that you are fucking amazing and that you need to be happy, okay? Because you have a lot of shit to be happy about.” Jonny looks into his eyes and holds his gaze. He doesn’t look away for what seems to be a long time. He vaguely thinks they might be having a staring contest. Finally, Jonny breaks away and pours another bowl of cereal.

Jonny finishes the bowl and before he stands up he grabs Pat’s thigh tightly and speaks up. “Thanks, Patrick. You’re a good friend.” He puts his hand on top of Jonny’s and fits their fingers together.

“Of course, Jonny. I’m here for you.” Jonny gets up, rinses out his cereal bowl and puts it in the dishwasher. He returns the cereal back to the food cupboard and then turns towards Pat.

“What’s on the schedule for today?”

“I dvr’d 3 hours of Comedy Central Presents.”

“It better be good.”

“Wanna make it a drinking game?”  
_________________________

The season starts a little slow, not at all the way Jonathan wanted his tenure as captain to begin. He tries not to take it out on the guys too much. Just giving them tips here and there when they didn’t see the open lane or didn’t get the puck to the net. He’s a little harder on Kaner, freely yelling at him on the ice pointing out every mistake he makes, only because Kaner just gives it right back to him. He’s hardest on himself. He takes every loss personally and refuses to go out with the guys most nights. Kaner gets on him for it but mostly just for show in the locker room.

“The bar we’re going to isn’t anywhere near Columbia, Taze.” It’s just him and Kaner still sitting at their stalls, all the other guys are up and about somewhere.

“Could of been better tonight, Kaner. I’m just gonna go home and rest up, maybe bring some film home.” Jonny tenses up whenever Kaner makes an allusion to seeing Max. He’s not really that worried that he will run into him out at a bar. Max probably spends all his time at the library. He’s probably tutoring undergrads for money, too. Jonny doesn’t want to think about Max tutoring, or Max at all.

“Whatever you want, Jonny, but I am expecting you to come out with us after the next win, yea?” Kaner holds out his fist waiting for Jonny to cave and agree. Jonny just kind of stares at Patrick who’s only wearing a pair of compression shorts and smiling that fucking beauty queen smile at him.

“Fine,” Jonny taps Kaner’s fist with his own, “but I want you to know that I am only agreeing because I can’t stand to look at you in those ridiculous shorts anymore.”

Kaner scoffs at him and waddles away towards the showers, “please, Taze, you put me through much worse in our hotel room, plus, you know you love it!” Right before Kaner leaves the main area of the locker room, he pulls his shorts down to moon him. He can’t help but shake his head and laugh. He starts to think that maybe he’s getting better.

They win their next game and Kaner announces to everyone once they get in the locker room, “Captain Serious is coming out with us tonight, boys, he promised!”

Jonny isn’t completely satisfied with the way he played tonight but he knows he’s not going to get out of this. He takes his time getting ready and mentally prepares himself for all the social interaction he’s about to take part in. He tells himself that he used to go to parties in college all the time, he knows how to do this. Plus, now he’s the fucking captain of the Chicago Blackhawks, how much schmoozing is he really going to have to do?

They go to some fancy ass club downtown where the bouncer knows Kaner and just waves them in. Sharpy goes to get them drinks and Jonny finds his way to a table near the back away from the sweaty writhing bodies. Once Kaner gets a drink in his hand he heads out into the throng of people. Jonny just sips slowly on his beer and goes over the shift in the second period when he got a minus and how he is going to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

“Tazer, HEY TAZER!” Jonny didn’t see Kaner sit down. He looks super sweaty and has a different drink in his hand then when he left.

“Kaner, you already look like a mess, look at you, when did you unbutton your shirt?” Kaner has at least 3 more buttons undone then he originally did.

“When I said you had to come out with us, I meant you actually had to act like you were having fun.” Jonny needs another drink.

“Get me another drink, Pat, and we will see about the fun part. Grab a bottle of water while you’re at it.” Kaner jumps off of the stool and scampers away. Jonny thinks about that one time he and Max decided to go the the local “club” in Grand Forks, what a joke that was compared to this place. What a joke.

“Here you go, cap.” Kaner is back with 4 beers and 2 bottles of water. He’s buttoned his shirt back up. “What ya thinking about over here, Jonny, you look like you are deep in concentration.”

“Just going over the game, thinking about ways to improve.” He takes a huge swig of the beer in front of him.

Kaner rolls his eyes at Jonny. “You were supposed to come out and not think about hockey for a little bit, ya know.”

“I’m just trying to be a hockey player, Kaner. That’s what I do.” Kaner put his hand on Jonny’s knee under the table and squeezes.

“You’re more than just a hockey player, Jonny. You know that right?”

Jonny shrugs his shoulders and downs the rest of his drink. Kaner’s hand on his thigh is making his body too warm. He needs get get out of this club.

“Here, Jonny, let’s drink these waters and then we’ll go home, okay?”

“That’s the best thing you’ve ever said to me, Pat.”  
______________

They make it to the playoffs and Kaner’s stoked about it. Him and Jonny are fucking amazing together on the ice. Everyone talks about how they have such great chemistry and how they are they are the future of the franchise in Chicago. He eats it all up but he would never let anyone see it. Hating on Tazer in any sort of public arena is pretty much second nature to him now and it helps him separate the public Kane and Toews from the private Kaner and Jonny.

Jonny’s doing better, too. He loosens up a bit and even goes out and enjoys himself. He still insists on feeding Kaner an insane amount of water whenever they are out at the bar but it does help with the hangovers and the not being completely belligerent. Kaner can be a major douchebag when he is actually belligerent drunk and he tries to keep that at a minimum when Jonny’s around. He might act like he is drunker than he actually is just to seem like he needs Jonny’s help walking, or unlocking the door to his apartment, or taking his shoes off. Tazer is always super willing to help, though, always making sure he’s okay and Pat kind of lives for these moments, pathetic as it may be.

After they lose to the Red Wings, Pat parties it up with some of his college friends and then spends the rest of the summer in Buffalo working out and getting in shape for the new season. He has a good feeling about next year. He texts back and forth with Jonny mostly talking about training and movies and stories from Pat’s excursion into Buffalo’s nightlife.

One night Kaner has his Buffalo buddies out at his place because he learns from his mistakes and getting a cab is obviously something he should stop doing. He gets a little drunker than he was planning, however. He walks away from his own party and calls Jonny.

“Kaner, it’s 2 am again.” Jonny doesn’t sound like he is sleeping.

“Hey Tazer, how’s it going, cap?”

“It would probably be going better if I was sleeping right now like normal people.”

“You don’t sound sleepy. It feels good to hear your voice, Jonny.”

“Okay, Kaner, how much have you had tonight?”

“I just had some of the guys over to mine, I’m not out somewhere. I just wanted to talk to you, I feel like we haven’t talked in, like, years.”

“We text all the time, Kaner. And you call me in the middle of the night at least once a week. Have you drank any water tonight?”

“Always with the water, Jonny. I don’t have you here to remind me, so I forgot. Why aren’t you here to feed me water?”

“I’m at home, Kaner, just like you are.” Someone comes outside and waves at Kaner, he waves at them and gives them a thumbs up, they might be trying to get him to come back to the party but he doesn’t care right now.

“Yea, Jonny. I know. How’s your summer going? Have you hooked up with anyone? You really gotta get back on that horse, Jonny. I know Max tore your fucking heart out, but it’s been like a year now Jonny and your hot body deserves some fucking action.” Sometimes he starts to word vomit when he’s had too much to drink.

“That’s very nice of you to say, Kaner. But, I think you should go back to your party and drink some water.” Jonny is trying to end this conversation but Kaner doesn’t want to.

“You should come here, Jonny. You should come here and I will help you get back on the horse.”

“Oh yeah?” He pauses and Kaner holds his breath. “Good night, Pat. I am going to sleep now.”

“Fine. Okay. Goodnight Tazer. Sweet dreams about me and getting back on the horse.”

Jonny laughs into the phone and hangs up.

Kaner goes back into his kitchen and pulls a bottle of water out of the fridge. He downs it two breaths and yells, “you are all welcome to stay but I am going to bed.” The girl he spent half the night chatting up loudly scoffs at him and he tries to give her his most apologetic shoulder shrug he can on his way past her to his bedroom.

Kaner thinks it’s about time to go back to Chicago.

____________________________

When he gets back to Chicago Pat immediately calls Burish and they go to their spot for some dinner and shit talking. When they get on the subject of summer vacation and who they stayed in touch with the most over the summer Kaner says, “I talked to Jonny a lot but it was mostly drunk dials at like 2 in the morning.”

“And you’re still alive? Captain Serious hates for his sleep to be interrupted.” He missed these dinner with Adam, the greasy food and the steady bro conversation.

“He didn’t seem to mind, guess he takes it a little easy in the summer. He was a good sport about it-even when I maybe went a little too far.”

“Taze does have a soft spot for his little Kaner, doesn’t he?”

“Whatever, we’re best friends.”

“With benefits, right?” Burish pulls a face and then starts laughing really hard like he just made the world’s funniest joke. Pat isn’t quite sure how to react at first but eventually laughs with Bur in what he thinks is a totally normal way.

“Tell me, Patrick, how is our beloved captain in the sack?” Pat chokes a little bit on the piece of bacon in his mouth.

“Ah, how the fuck would I know?” Bur punches at his shoulder still laughing away.

“Come on, Patty, tell me all your secrets about Tazer. I know you have some I can see it in your baby blues.”

“We are still, like, joking, right? Because I am not sure what you are talking about-I don’t have any secrets about Jonny.” He feels that his face is getting a little red.

“Pat, you know that were bro’s right? Bro’s know when bro’s are into their other bro and you, My Bro, are into our Captain Bro in a more than friendly way.”

“Um. What? Adam, seriously.”

“I am being serious Patrick. For real. I know I am right. You can tell me, I don’t care and I wouldn’t ever tell anyone else. I’ve got your back man.”

“I still don’t know what you are talking about.” Pat really does want to confide in someone. He’s been talking to his mom in genderless pronoun hypotheticals for so long that he almost finishes every conversation he has in tears because he is so frustrated. He knows he can trust his mom but he’s not sure he wants to go there quite yet.

“Okay, Pat, whatever you want. I am just trying to get this season started out with a clean slate and I wanted to say something to you all last season about how you’re a little different around Jonny but I didn’t and I just thought that maybe you needed someone to talk to and I can be that guy if you need.”

“Thanks? I think? But seriously, there is nothing going on between me and Jonny. He’s still heartbroken and I don’t want to be that guy.”

“Heartbroken? He was dating someone?” Their food has long been cleared from the table and the waitress has brought them each a piece of their favorite type of pie.

“Ah, yeah, but don’t, like, say anything to anyone about it okay?”

“My lips are 100% sealed with whatever you want to tell me Pat. Seriously.”

“Great, thanks. I don’t have any big confessions, I just, you know, have a little thing for Jonny but it’s no big deal. He’s awesome, right? Having a thing for him isn’t some weird concept, he’s very, like, text book crush worthy.” Pat cannot believe the words coming out of his mouth right now. He is a fucking junior high student.

“I love giving Jonny a hard time more than anyone else in this world, but yes, he is a great dude.”

“Yea. Of course he is. He’s the captain of our team and he has a great ass and he somehow puts up with me.”

“See Kaner, doesn’t talking to someone about it make you feel better? I should have been a fucking psychologist. They probably make more money than I do anyway.”

“Haha, Bur. But, yea it does feel good, I guess. It doesn’t leave this table though, right?”

“From one bro to another-your bro-crush is safe with me.”  
__________________________

They are well into the season and Jonny’s proud of his boys. They are playing well. He was sidelined for a bit with the concussion but they stepped up in his absence. He also just got named to the Olympic team and he’s excited for Vancouver. He feels like he’s better. He’s gone out with the guys after a few games. He even let Sharpy set him up on a few blind dates with really cute girls but it was hard for him to get into it and he never went out with them more than twice.

Pat comes over after he gets his call about making the US team. He brings a bottle of champagne and Jonny tells him he shouldn’t fraternize with the enemy. Pat just laughs at him and tells him to get some glasses.

They spend the night drinking champagne and playing video games. Jonny’s about to beat Pat at Mariokart, again, when he shoves the controller out of Jonny’s hand right before he’s about to cross the finish line. Jonny shoves him back and they start to wrestle. Pat gets Jonny pinned down on the couch, straddling him and holding his arms down by the biceps.

“Uncle.” Kaner doesn’t move. Jonny starts to try to get up, but Pat pushes down on his biceps with more force. Kaner’s face is moving closer to Jonny’s and he just stares back at him, frozen. Kaner’s putting his lips on his. His heart starts to beat faster and he can’t help but kiss him back. Pat eventually moves his hands from his biceps to cradle Jonny’s face and he tries to concentrate on the taste of the tongue in his mouth, he feeling of the curls beneath his fingers. They kiss for what Jonny thinks is a long time, but it’s good, different than he’s used to but good, it’s sweet and a little sloppy at the same time, it’s Kaner. It’s exactly how he imagined Kaner would kiss. Finally, Pat breaks the kiss.

“What, what’re you doing?” Pat’s pulled his body up from his. He’s running his hands through his hair.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

Max was right, Jonny thinks, oh my god, Max was right. He doesn’t know what to do now, so he pulls Pat back down and kisses him.

After they’ve got their shirts off and Pat is working on his pants, Jonny’s brain begins to catch up to him and he thinks that this isn’t the best idea. But, it’s Kaner and, he’s asking Jonny if he can blow him and he looks at Jonny the same way he does when they are insync on the ice. So, he doesn’t stop Kaner. He lets him give him an amazing BJ and jerk off onto his chest. It’s been a long time since he’s done this with someone. And, oh fuck, he just did this with Patrick.

Kaner gets up to get a dish towel from the kitchen and a bottle of water from the fridge and joins Jonny back on the couch. He hands Jonny the water and says “I am pretty good at that shit, huh?”

Jonny pulls his pants back on and looks over at Pat who’s putting his underwear back on. “I need to teach you some humility.”

“Whatever, I know what my strengths are.”

“You were alright, I guess.” Jonny feels like he needs Kaner to leave. He needs for them to not be having a conversation right now. He can’t get his head around everything he’s feeling right now. This isn’t how it was with Max in any way.

“Sorry I don’t measure up to your obviously too high standards.” He gives Kaner a hard time almost every time they interact so Jonny isn’t sure why he’s not catching on to the fact the he’s just chirping him.

“Relax, Kaner, it was really good, okay? Great, actually, geez.” Kaner’s got his shirt back on now and he’s reaching for his pants.

“I knew you were going to be weird about this. Why can’t you just be normal about this?”

“I’m not sure what’s normal for my teammate just gave me a blowjob. Feel free to fill me in at any time now.” Jonny really, really needs Kaner to not be in his apartment right now, looking at him with his lips all swollen and his hair all tousled. It’s making his stomach hurt.

“Usually people are relaxed and fucking appreciative and maybe even want to cuddle a little bit. You’re like a fucking stiff log in the middle of January right now.”

“I don’t understand what the fuck you’re trying to say Kaner. You want me to thank you? Thanks for the amazing beej Patrick it felt really good. Happy?”

Kaner’s all the way dressed now. He heads towards the door fixing his hair with his fingers as he goes. “I knew you’d be fucking weird about this, Jonny, I thought I had waited long enough but I guess not. I hope you have a good fucking night.”

Jonny turns towards the door after he hears it close. Fuck, he thinks. Fuck Kaner for actually making a move and fuck Max for being right. Fuck himself for not being ready yet. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

__________________

Things with Jonny are not going to be weird because Kaner isn’t going to let them be. He’s just going to pretend like nothing ever happened and treat Jonny like any of the previous hundreds of days he’s known him. He’s obviously still not over that douchebag Max and Kaner is going to give him more time.

Except he needs to stop doing all the shit Jonny tells him to do like drinking a cup of water with every cup of beer and letting him tuck him in when he’s pretending to be really drunk. It’s time to grow up, Kaner thinks, and stop being so junior high about Tazer and start being a man.

The Olympics are a great time and he’s about to play hockey for a gold medal. It took a few days but the weirdness between him and Tazer has faded. He is enjoying playing against Jonny even if it’s frustrating because he’s so good and it’s awesome when they are on the same team but annoying when they aren’t. They hang out in the village and drink with the guys and go back to their different rooms at the end of the night. It’s good for Kaner, the separation, not having Jonny in his back pocket all the time.

He runs into Jonny in the hallway as he is on his way to morning skate. “You headed somewhere?”

“Yea, going to the rink to do some dryland work, you guys got the ice for morning skate, we’re on after you.” Jonny’s wearing his Team Canada warm ups. Kaner looks down at his USA ones.

“Wanna get a ride over together? Fraternize with the enemy a little bit?” Jonny chuckles at him.

“That sounds great, let me just grab my other shoes quick.” Jonny jogs away and Kaner only looks at how amazing his ass (which he has totally nakedly touched) looks because it’s just human nature.  
______________

When Sidney fucking Crosby scores the game winning goal in overtime he’s so crushed. He did everything he could to help his team win that game and then they lost.

When he sees Jonny in the handshake line he wants to feel happy for him because he deserves this but really what he wants is a hug and some comfort from his best friend. Jonny can’t stop smiling as all the guys in the line in front of him congratulate him. When he finally looks at Kaner his expression instantly changes.

“Patrick, come ‘er.” He pulls Pat in for a hug and speaks softly, “you played fucking great, okay? Don’t feel bad about what you did out here tonight.” Pat can feel tears forming in his eyes.

He pulls away from the hug and tells Jonny that he played amazing too and congratulations and then he has to move on to the next guy in line before he actually starts to cry or tell Jonny he loves him.  
____________________

It’s a Thursday night late in the season and they are actually at home and don’t have a game so it’s tradition for Pat and Bur to go to their spot for dinner. Sharpy decided to invite himself along this time because the missus has something else going on.

Half way through the meal it’s Sharpy who brings it up and both Adam and Pat feel a wave of panic surge through them.

“Peeks, tell me all about your tragic love affair with Jonathan Toews.” He’s using his reporter voice.

Bur collects himself quickly and speaks up, “my client has no comment on his personal life at this time, sir. With all due respect, the private life of our hockey royalty is none of your fucking business.” Sharpy laughs but picks up where he left off.

“The public is just curious, we all look up to you and the young prince Jonathan, please tell me something, anything.” They’re joking. This is good, Sharpy is just being Sharpy.

“Well, sir, the young prince and I are teammates and that’s about it. He did once try to woo me with the power of his slap shot but, as we all know, he has a very weak one.” They all laugh and it feels good. Bur kicks him under the table in a way that Patrick thinks he’s trying to communicate that he didn’t say anything to Sharpy. Patrick nods his head at him.

Adam tells hims as much after they drop Pat off at his place. “I promise, I haven’t told him anything, he will like make comments about how weird the two of you are but I just play it off and play along.”

“I believe you, and thanks.” Bur hold his fist out for him to bump.

“How is everything going with you and Jonny?”

“Um, bad? No, fine. It’s fine. I’m dealing with it.”

“You want to talk about it? You know I am here if you do, no judgement.” Adam is a good friend, Pat is lucky to have him. He reminds him of his friends back in Buffalo and it helps when he starts to feel homesick.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”  
___________________  
The playoffs are heating up and Jonny is in the fucking ZONE. Everything seems to be clicking and they are headed in the right direction. After the Olympics everyone on the team came back on a mission and Jonny is excited about the direction they are heading.

With the intensity of everything on the ice, they try to keep things as light as possible off ice. The playoff beards help. Everyone’s are fairly ridiculous and the schtick Kaner is pulling with the mullet and the sideburns helps keep everyone loose. Jonny appreciates Kaner’s ability to keep everyone having fun in this high stress time. He is also super amazing at hockey which he appreciates a lot, too.

 

After the loss in game 5, Q tells everyone as they get off the plane to “take a load off tomorrow. Try to do something that gets your mind off hockey for a little bit, we want to come back home refreshed.” He’s a little surprised when Kaner invites himself over to his place because he’s been much more distant after the disastrous post BJ situation before the Olympics.

“No talk about anything hockey, I promise.” He came with a bottle of wine and a block of cheese, “you have crackers, right?”

Jonny gets them some crackers and wine glasses. Kaner’s flipping through channels on his TV. “So what should we do then?”

“We are going to drink wine, eat cheese and crackers and try to find a movie to watch.” He goes back and forth between the pages of movie channels Jonny gets and finally settles on some romantic comedy Jonny’s never heard of before.

“Really, Kaner?”

“I am trying to stay as far away from hockey as possible. Just drink some wine, eat some cheese and try not to cry.” He shrugs his shoulders and sits down on the couch. Watching a romantic comedy with Kaner and his fucking mullet actually sounds pretty good right now.

The entire bottle of wine is gone by the end of the movie. He’s feeling kinda punchy and Kaner’s rubbing circles into the back of his neck as he flips through the channels again. Jonny’s not sure where he’s going because he seems to be moving away from the movie channels. He decides to just hang his head, close his eyes and try to concentrate on the feeling of the fingers on his neck.

Pat takes his hand away and puts the remote down on the coffee table. He grabs Jonny’s hand and pulls him up off the couch.

“Come on, Jonny, get up.” He looks up at the TV and sees that Kaner has stopped on the “Throwback Jamz” music channel, he throws his head back and laughs.

“What’re we doing?” Pat has his hand on Jonny’s hips and is, as can be best described, wiggling them around.

“We are dancing. Come on, it makes you feel good.” Jonny hips are only moving because Kaner is making them.

“I don’t dance.” Kaner takes his hands and puts them around his neck.

“Just loosen up and follow my lead.” It might be the wine or the rom-com or it being the playoffs but Jonny finds himself in his living room dancing with Patrick Kane and it’s the best he’s felt in a long, long time.  
_________________

Kaner scores the game winning goal and suddenly he’s a Stanley Cup Champion. It’s all a blur of screams and hugs and trophies. When he finds Kaner after they’ve both had their trip around the ice with the cup Jonny hugs him tight and says “you did this, Kaner. You won us the Stanley Cup. I love, I, thank you! Fuck yea!”

After the champagne chaos in the locker room Jonny showers off and gets on the bus to the plane. He has exactly 53 text messages and 36 missed calls. He pages through most of them telling himself he’ll reply later. When he gets to one from Max he stops and opens it up.

_congrats, Jonathan, I knew you and pat would do it._

Jonny replies immediately.

_thanks, Max. means a lot_

It’s gotta be really late back in Chicago but Max replies.

_you deserve it. tell pat i said great job on the goal._

_how’s being a doctor going?_

_not quite there yet but almost. loving every second._

_glad to hear it. i’m sure you’re the top of your class. do you get anytime off during the summer?_

_nah, i am starting my residency this summer. already got your day with the cup planned?_

_haven’t had a chance to think about it. real crazy around here. gotta go-planes taking off._

_have a safe flight. congrats again, jonny. i’m really happy for you and the team. don’t forget to tell pat i said good job._

_will do._

They get back to Chicago and it’s pure madness. There is so much press and parades and drinks. He loves celebrating with all the guys, but mostly with Kaner. He can’t shake the feeling that Kaner won this for him. Kaner made him a Stanley Cup Champion.

They let him bring the cup home one night. They go to the bar first while the cup and his keeper are at his place. It’s a crazy time at the bar-Jonny’s standing on the bar and then Kaner’s standing on the bar and then they are in the bathroom where Jonny is attacking Kaner’s neck and cupping his ass through his jeans.

“Not here, Tazer, let’s go back to yours.” Jonny pulls himself away, adjusts himself and follows Kaner out of the bar.

They get into Jonny’s place and see the cup keeper sitting on his couch reading a book. “Hey boys.”

Kaner waves hello and heads towards the bathroom connected to Jonny’s bedroom.

“Hey Steve. How’s it going?”

“Good. I will leave you to it. I will just be out in the hallway.” The Stanley Cup is sitting on Jonny’s coffee table.

“You could have the guest room, you know.”

“No, no, I don’t want to intrude. My protocol is to be in the hallway, I will let you know if I need anything.” Steve takes what looks like a foldable chair and his book and leaves.

Jonny grabs the cup and carries it to his bedroom where Kaner is lying on his bed with all his clothes already off.

“Bring it over here Jonny, I’m gonna give it a naked hug.” Jonny thinks he’s about to see the hottest thing, ever. He sets it on the bed and watches Kaner bear hug the cup. “Take your clothes off, let’s both give it a naked hug.” Jonny obliges after only a second of his brain thinking ‘this is fucking ridiculous.’ It’s the cup.

Naked hugging the Stanley Cup turns into naked making out across the Stanley Cup. This might the best night of Jonny’s life. He’s been having a lot of these lately. After a while their positioning is super uncomfortable and they set the Cup on the floor at the end of the bed. They continue to make out on Jonny’s bed letting their hands explore each other’s bodies. Kaner finally speaks up and says, “I, Jonny, I want you to fuck me.”

Jonny freezes up for an instant because he hasn’t done that in so long, since Max. But he looks at Kaner then he looks at the Stanley Cup and says, “Fuck yes, Kaner. Let’s do this.”  
________________

The summer flies by and suddenly Kaner is back in Chicago getting ready to start the new season. He wishes the summer would of lasted forever; wishes he could have had way more than one day with the cup. He loves that got to share it with so many people and see it brighten so many of their days. After sharing it all day, he slept with it in his bed that night, jacking off to the memory of that night with Tazer.

They keep in touch over the summer. Jonny texts him pictures of his day with the cup and Patrick does the same. They get off over the phone a few times together and Tazer even tells Kaner he misses him during one late night phone call after a long day of training. Pat was telling him about the new routine his trainer has got him on and Jonny says, “sounds like you are doing more that just celebrating, eh? Way to go, Kaner, I miss your hardworking ass.”

Kaner makes a joke about Tazer only liking him for his ass and Jonny laughs at him and says goodnight.

The season starts with high expectations but a lot of missing pieces. Kaner is sad to see some of his closest friends and great hockey players go. He can tell that Jonny is sad about it too but he’s the captain and this is his team to lead no matter who they decide to put on the roster.

They continue to hook up, on the road and back home. When Pat goes out with the injury Jonny calls him at night when he’s on the road, chats with him about the things they would talk about if Pat were there. It helps him make it through even though not being able to play hockey hurts a million times more than his wrist does.

Jonny still leaves in the middle of the night if they end up at Pat’s place. He will fall asleep with Pat indulging him in a bit of post-coital cuddle but when Pat wakes up in the morning he won’t be there. He tried to tell him to stay once but Jonny just kissed the top of his head and said “go back to sleep Patrick” before leaving.

They get knocked out of the playoffs and it’s safe to say Pat is devastated. He wanted so bad for his team to go all the way again. He’s glad Jonny is there to be strong and stoic while they are still on the ice, in the locker room, talking to the press. He knows that Jonny is just as crushed as he his is-probably even more so-but he won’t let anyone see his emotion on the job, he’ll let it out to Kaner later when it’s just the two of them.

Kaners spends the night at Jonny’s place before he is set to leave Chicago. He sucks Jonny off while he gets himself off. Neither of them were in the sexiest of moods. After, Jonny lies with his head on Kaner’s chest. He’s lazily stroking his fingers through Jonny’s hair.

“You should come to Buffalo this summer, see what it’s all about.”

“Yea, maybe. Got some events and shit to do in Winnipeg, charity shit.”

“You could get away for a little bit, I’m sure. It’s nice in the summer, you could keep me out of trouble.”

“I’ll take a look at my schedule, let you know when I have some free time.” Kaner wants to tell Jonny that he doesn’t want to go the whole summer again without seeing him, this summer’s feels different, they’re different.

“Jonny, look, I know that we haven’t really talked about this thing we’ve got going between us but,”

“Kaner. Not now.” Jonny grips him a little tighter, places a light kiss on his chest.

“Are we, like, exclusive? Are we not hooking up with other people over the summer?”

Jonny lifts his head up off on his chest and stares into Patrick’s eyes for little bit before speaking. Sometimes Pat finds himself wondering how Jonny’s eyes can be so dark yet so soft and inviting.

“I can’t be your boyfriend, Patrick.”

Patrick didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does for Jonny to reject him. He thought he had himself convinced he is okay with just taking what Jonny’s giving him, that he didn’t need anything more. He wanted something more, but he didn’t need it. Having some of Jonny was better than having none of him but his stomach clenched and his breath quickened when Jonny said those words and it hurts.

“Okay. What does, uh. Okay. Okay.” There’s too much he wants to say.

Jonny leaves his head in it’s place on his chest and although he wants to push him off and out of bed and maybe punch him in the stomach a few times so he will feel the same way Pat’s feeling right now but he just closes his eyes and does his best to fall asleep.

Jonny kisses him goodbye when he leaves the next morning, lingers a bit, pulls him back for one more hug before he lets him leave. Kaner says, “have a good summer,” and goes.  
_________________

**Part 3: Starting rhyming just to be somebody, found out that I already was**

August seems to take a little longer than usual to come around. Jonny isn’t sure if it is because last summer was such a blur of emotion and excitement or because he’s getting older or because he and Patrick haven’t talked much. He thinks it’s probably a combination of all three.

He thinks about that conversation he had with Pat all summer. What a dick move. He thought he was okay and that he was at a point where he could be in a relationship again but when Pat brought it up he panicked a little bit and said the wrong thing. Patrick didn’t deserve that, he deserved more, better, someone less damaged.

He’s glad when it is time to head back to Chicago for the convention. He’s glad to get back to the city and back to his team.

Patrick calls him when he gets into town to let him know he’s back, asks him if he wants to go get some food. His body loosens up a bit after talking to him, “just come to mine and we will figure out where to go. Good to talk to you, Kaner, see you soon.”

Kaner walks in wearing shorts, flip flops, and a tank top. He cut his hair and got a lot of sun over the summer. His eyes look so blue. Jonny can’t help but stare for a second.

“Tazer! Look at you, glad to see you spent some time in the sun.” The sunglasses Kaner has on top of his head fall down the front of his face as he obviously looks Jonny up and down.

“You too, you look like you just walked right off the beach,” Jonny can’t help but walk over to Kaner and give him a bear hug. Pat goes up on his tip toes a little bit to match Jonny’s body language. “It’s really good to see you, Patrick, really good.”

Pat starts to pull away a little bit but Jonny pulls him a little tighter for a quick second before letting go. “Where should we eat? What sounds good?” Jonny walks to the table to grab his keys and wallet.

“I was thinking the Mexican place, you know the one we both can agree on.”

“Great idea. I’ll drive.” Kaner’s standing in the entryway of the kitchen and doesn’t move out of the way as Jonny approaches him to leave the kitchen, he just stands there looking at Jonny.

“Okay.” He starts to turn around but Jonny grabs his arm and pulls him into another hug.

“I missed ya this summer.” Jonny wants to kiss Kaner more than anything but he can’t. He shouldn’t.

“I missed you too, Jonny.” Kaner pulls away and puts his hands on Jonny’s face. “It seemed like summer lasted forever, eh?”

“Yea, it really did.” Kaner pulls Jonny’s lips to his and kisses him softly at first. Jonny smiles into the kiss and lets Kaner lead where it’s going. It starts sweet but Kaner quickly escalates the intensity pushing Jonny up against the island in the middle of the kitchen. Jonny flips them so Kaner’s back is up against the granite and Kaner jumps up onto the countertop so he’s sitting with Jonny between his legs.

“I missed this. A lot. But,” Jonny leans back a little when he hears Pat say ‘but.’ Kaner pauses for so long Jonny has at least 10 scenarios go through his head about what comes after. He deserves anything Kaner is about to say to him. Kaner finally speaks up saying, “I am really fucking hungry.”

Jonny laughs what is mostly just a sound of intense relief. “Well let’s get you some food then.”

“Yes, please!” Kaner jumps off the countertop and runs in front of Jonny so he’s the first one out of the kitchen.

“You’re such a princess sometimes.”

Kaner wiggles his hips at Jonny turning his head to wink at him.

_____________________

Things go back to the way they were before summer for the most part. They reverse roles for a little bit with Jonny being the one to initiate a lot of nights because Pat’s trying the keep his distance. He spent the summer building up his Tazer defences and he’s too determined to let them fall too quickly. Plus, it feels good to make him work for it a little bit.

The season starts out well and they feel good about things going into the holidays. Pat is having his family out to Chicago this year and Jonny is, too. They didn’t really plan it that way but that is how it played out. They make plans to have a joint family dinner on Christmas Eve because their parents always got along well and both sets were excited at the idea.

They are sitting on Jonny’s couch watching Sports Center a few nights before their families are set to arrive. Jonny is absentmindedly playing with his hair as he lays with his head on his lap.

“My mom is most definitely going to have a present for every member of your family so I hope your mom enjoys scented lotion and your dad and brother like outdoor themed hand towels.”

Jonny laughs and says that he will make sure his parents bring something too. He takes his hand away from his head after another minutes and says, “are we doing gifts?”

“You mean, like, me and you?” Kaner has been thinking about getting Jonny something. He saw a watch when he was out shopping for his sisters the other day and it seemed like something that would look really good on Jonny.

“Yea, I don’t want to have you get me something and then not have anything for you or you know the other way around.”

“Um, well, I was definitely thinking about getting you something but I didn’t want to, like, assume that that is something that we do, so.” Kaner hasn’t been pushing any boundaries, if anything he is doing what he can to set his own. He’s fairly confident that Jonny will come around. He’s not sure how long it’s going to take him but he knows that this means something to Jonny, that this is something that he wants deep down. He just needs the time to convince himself. Pat hasn’t decided yet how long he is willingly to wait but he’s good for now, comfortable with what they have at the time being.

“I’m going to get you something. Don’t feel at all obligated to get me anything, though.”

Kaner smiles up at Jonny. “I guess you will just have to wait for Christmas morning to see if you will get gifts or coal.”

“I look forward to it, Santa Claus.”  
___________________

Dinner is delicious because Jonny hired a chef to come cook for them while giving them all a class on how to cook the perfect Christmas dinner. It was his gift to his mom and Mrs. Kane. They loved it. After the main course is over Pat and Jackie are tasked with getting the dessert ready in the kitchen with Chef Ken helping out.

“I can’t believe we are having a joint family dinner with the Toews.” Jackies says as she piles orange slices on the cake.

“It’s been good-they are good company, mostly.” Pat is mixing the icing with Chef Ken giving him little tips on how fast to stir.

“You and Jonny are, like, dating right?” Pat’s hand slows but his heart speeds up and Chef Ken takes the bowl and fork from his hand.

“Define dating.” Pat says to his sister sitting atop the counter.

“Oh come on, Pat, you know what I mean. I see the way he looks at you.”

“What? What do you mean the way he looks at me?”

“Anyone with half way decent vision and a little awareness of human relationships can see that Jonathan Toews has heart eyes for you, Patty.” Chef Ken chuckles from the other side of the kitchen.

“I don’t really understand what you are saying but if you asked Jonny we are definitely not dating, or as he put it ‘I can’t be your boyfriend, Patrick.’ but I will cuddle with you on the couch and suck your dick on the reg and, like, make out with you in the showers every once in awhile.” Pat can see Chef Ken try to clean up the mess he made when his hand sputtered while he was pouring the icing on the cake.

“Wow. TMI, Patty.” Jackie says and gives Pat a hug.

They hear two sets of very heavy steps coming towards them so Pat and Jackie take the cake from Chef Ken and start to make their way out of the kitchen. They run into Jonny and David who both have stacks of dirty dishes in their hands. Jonny is super concentrated on not dropping anything but when he sees Pat his features soften a bit and Jackie wiggles her eyebrows up and down at her brother.

**  
Jonny and David get everything stacked in a perfect leaning tower of dirty dishes.

“So tell me bro, you are for sure fucking Patrick Kane, eh?” Jonny is glad David said that after he put all the dishes down. Chef Ken starts to laugh and tries to cover it up with a cough into his chef coat.

“Um, I’m not really sure how to answer that question.”

“It’s pretty obvious, Jon, is this your guys’s big coming out party? Should I be preparing myself for some big speech where you confess your undying hockey soulmate love for eachother?”

Jonny rolls his eyes at David in an effort to look nonchalant but his heart rate has definitely risen. “Um, no. There will be no announcements of any kind tonight.”

“But you are messing around with him right?”

“Yes, um, yes, we might be fooling around a little bit. Here and there. But we’re not, like, a couple.” David holds out his fist for Jonny to bump and Jonny swats it aways.

“From doctor frat brother to hockey superstar frat brother. You have a thing for frat brothers, eh?”

“Shut up, Max and Pat are nothing alike.”

“Whatever you say. But seriously, Jon, Pat is awesome. He’s fucking amazing at hockey and only a little bit terrible as a human being.”

“We’re going to miss dessert.” David claps Jonny on the back as they walk out of the kitchen back to their family.  
____________________

The rest of the regular season has it ups and downs. The injury and the 9 game losing streak is some of the hardest shit Jonny’s had to endure so far in his career. He’s relieved when they make it into the playoffs but knows what is store for them if they are to advance.

He’s on his way to lunch with a couple of PR people when he sees Max sitting in the window of a coffee shop. He’s wearing scrubs and headphones sitting in a lounge chair with a book across his chest. Jonny’s can’t help but smile when he sees him sitting there looking exhausted but still adorable. He tells the people he is with he will meet them at the restaurant and goes into the coffee shop. He hesitates to wake him up but then Max opens his eyes and sees Jonathan standing before him.

“Jonny. Hey, how long have you been standing there?” He smiles at Jonny and sits up in his chair.

“Not long. I saw you through the window and wasn’t sure if I wanted to wake you or not. You look really tired.” Max stands up to give Jonny a small hug before sitting back down. Jonny sits in the chair next to him

“Just got done with a 36 hour shift in the emergency room. They are doing some maintenance on my apartment upstairs so I can’t go back for another 45 minutes. How are you?”

“I’m good. Just on my way to lunch.”

“You look good. It’s good to see you. I am guessing it’s playoff time by the whiskers.” Max reaches out and brushes his fingers across his sideburns.

“First round. You’re not keeping up with us?” Jonny didn’t really expect Max to follow the team because of him but he was a hockey fan, he knew that.

“Being a doctor doesn’t leave you with much free time, unfortunately.”

“How is it? Being a doctor?”

“It’s everything I ever wanted and a ton of work. I am sleep deprived, badly nourished and have horrible hygiene routines but I’m doing it, ya know. I’m saving peoples lives.”

“That’s awesome. I really happy for you Max.”

“Thanks, Jonny.” His phone starts to vibrate in his pocket, they are waiting for him to order, they only have an hour for lunch before they have to be back to the office.

“I gotta go. They are waiting for me. We should, ah, grab dinner or something, to catch up. If you want.”

“I’d like that.”

“It going to be a little crazy with the playoffs but I will give you a call when things settle down. Same number?”

“Same number.” Max gets up to hug Jonny goodbye.

“It’s great to see you, Jonathan.”

“You too, Maxwell. I’ll call you.”

Jonny turns to walk out of the coffee shop he hears Max call out, “good luck with the playoffs!” He turns around and raises a hand of thanks before heading out the door.  
__________________

They lose in six games to the fucking Coyotes and just like that the season is over. Kaner was not ready in any way for it to be over. After the hoopla that comes with ending the season Pat is glad to have Jonny next to him in the car reaching over to hold his hand when he sees how upset Pat is.

When they get back to Jonny’s they take a shower together. Jonny gives him a shoulder rub as they stand under the scorching hot water and eventually Pat returns the favor. The water starts to get not so hot and they lightly towel off before jumping into Jonny’s bed. Kaner clings to Jonny who kisses the top of his head and says, “try to get some sleep, Patrick.”

The next morning Jonny is up and has breakfast from the little place down the street waiting for him in the kitchen.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” Jonny asks him as he’s loading their dishes into his dishwasher.

“I want to spend the whole day lying in bed and then I want to go out tonight and get real drunk. How does that sound to you?”

“I was gonna go to the rink and talk with the people there a little bit. Then I am going to have dinner with Max.” Jonny’s got the the sink on rinsing shit so Pat’s not sure if he heard him right.

“Max, as in your ex-boyfriend? I didn’t know you guys were talking.”

“I ran into him the other day when I was out to lunch with the PR people.”

“Really, eh?” Kaner knows that his feelings about Max are generally not good ones but he can’t believe how upset he is getting about Jonny saying he was going to see him.

“Yea. We’re just gonna get some food, catch up a little bit. He’s a doctor now in the emergency room, he works really long and crazy hours but he is off today.”

“Sounds like you know a lot about Max.” Kaner isn’t getting angry because he’s jealous, he’s just looking out for Jonny. Yea, this is the guy that broke Jonny’s heart. He shouldn’t be having a casual dinner with him, it is not good for him.

“Not really. It’s just dinner, Kaner. I haven’t talked to him in, like, years. It’s not what you think, it is strictly friendly.”

“Nothing is strictly friendly with a person who broke your heart, Tazer.” Jonny’s done with the dishes now and sitting across the table from him.

“It’s been a long time since then, Pat. I’m better, okay. It’s just catching up with someone I haven’t seen in a long time.”

“If you say so.” Jonny reaches across the table and takes Kaner’s hand.

“I say so.”

Kaner goes out that night and gets super wasted. He can’t think about Jonny and Max and their dinner. He can’t believe Tazer’s actually going to dinner with that guy, doesn’t he remember how he broke up with him, in an airport? Doesn’t he remember that he and Kaner have been hooking up for a couple years now and although Jonny won’t admit it, they are definitely dating? Kaner might be screaming all of this over the music to the person sitting next to him at the bar. He’s not quite sure. Before he left for the bar he called some of his buddies in Madison and booked a flight out there for tomorrow. He’s got to get out of the Chicago where Jonny is having dinner with that douchebag Max.

On the cab ride back to his place Kaner feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. It’s Jonny.

_don’t forget to drink some water before you go to sleep. aspirin is the drawer next to your bed._

Kaner texts back, _thx cap. serious. leaving early tomrw will call when i can._

Despite himself, Kaner drink a full bottle of water before he falls into bed. He wakes up the next morning throws a few things into a bag and leaves.  
___________________

Jonny meets Max at a diner near the hospital he works at. He’s not on today but he is on call. Max is wearing jeans and a button up shirt. He’s got a Twins hat on and looks a lot more rested than the last time Jonny saw him.

They get a table and order food as they talk about the end of the season and how crazy Max’s schedule is. Max asks him about what it was like to win the Stanley Cup and Jonny tells him about the pure madness of it and how it was even more amazing than he had imagined.

“I caught the overtime on TV in a patients room and we both flipped our shit when Patrick scored that goal.”

“It was pretty wild, eh? No one was sure if it had actually gone in but Kaner was jumping around like a little girl.”

“Pretty par for the course for him, huh? How is Pat doing? Grow up at all?”

Jonny thinks for a second about what he wants to say about Pat. Should he tell him about the two of them? They broke up years ago so he wouldn’t be trying to make Max jealous but does he want to admit that he was right all those year ago? That Kaner was into him? That he’s into Kaner?

He pauses for a little too long and it makes Max speak up again, “did you ever tell him I said good job after the game?”

“Um, maybe? I’m not sure, it’s all kind of a blur. One minute we are playing our hearts out even though our bodies are killing us and the next we are Stanley Cup champions who are making out with the cup between them.”

Max doesn’t look at all shocked he just looks Jonny right in the eyes and laughs softly. “How does that work exactly, making out with the cup between you?”

“It wasn’t the most comfortable thing but it was pretty awesome.”

“So, you and Pat, huh?”

“Ah, yea, I mean, kind of. We have been kind of casually hooking up for a while now. Nothing too serious. We’re not, like, boyfriends or anything.”

“How long is a while?”

“Since before the cup? We hooked up once right before the Olympics then after the cup we started to do it more consistently.”

“So you have been having sex for, like, 2 years with someone who has been into you since he met you yet you aren’t dating?” Jonny hasn’t really thought about how long he and Kaner have been at it.

“Yea? Well after the end of last season he wanted me to come to Buffalo over the summer but I told him I couldn’t be his boyfriend and then we didn’t talk too much over the summer.”

“Why can’t you be his boyfriend? Jonny-Kaner is a good guy despite all his shtick, he loves you, a lot.”

“I know, Max, I know. But, I just. I wasn’t ready yet when he asked and then I didn’t know if I should bring it up when I was ready because I had already turned him down, ya know? And he deserved, deserves, better than that.”

Max takes Jonny’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “I’m so sorry Jonny.”

Jonny lets Max hold his hand but his body tenses, “it’s okay, I mean, I’m over it, now.”

“It’s not okay, what I did was kind of really shitty. I would like to explain myself, if you will let me.”

At first Jonny did want an explanation for why he wasn’t good enough for Max, then after a while he DIDN’T want to know, now he just wants to lay it to rest.”Yea, yea, that would be okay.”

“I have thought about what I would say and how I would explain a lot. I hope it comes out the right way. When we met, Jonny, you were just another athlete I had to tutor but it quickly turned into so much more than that. I fell for you hard and I wanted nothing more than to take care of you. When you left and came to Chicago it was hard being so far away from you, not being able to kiss you goodnight and make your protein shakes and tell you in person how well you played that night. I thought it would all be solved by me coming to Chicago for school but then I saw you in your natural habitat with the guys on the team and with Patrick and I realized that you didn’t need me to take care of you.”

“But, I loved that you took care of me.”

“I know you did. But, you’re a leader Jonny. You're a strong leader who has to take care of his team. And then there is Patrick. I saw the way he looked at you and the way you would look back, you guys had some sort of connection and it went further than just hockey. I knew that you would never acknowledge, or even realize how you felt about him as long as I was around because you're better than that. But, I didn’t fit. And I know you loved me, Jonny. I know you did. But, you didn’t need to be taken care of by me. I knew Patrick would grow up eventually and he would figure out that you needed some taking care of, too. So, I had to let you go, Jonny. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, please believe me when I say that.”

Jonny nods his head at Max then looks away. “I believe you. I am not sure I completely understand what you are trying to say because I was at a point where you were it for me and the thought of someone else wasn’t something I thought about.”

“You were it for me too, Jonny, but you had Patrick and I knew that he would always be there, too. Everyone has it right, you two were made for each other, both on the ice and off. And that is more than I could give you.”

Jonny thinks about all the times with Kaner, all the assists and goals and celebrations. All the nights spent in hotel rooms, the team dinners, the bars, the injuries and the line up changes. He thinks about how Patrick won him the Stanley cup, how they did that together and how good it felt to not only have the cup in his arms but how good it felt to have Patrick in his arms, too.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“I hope you can forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you, Jonathan.” Max pulls his hand away from Jonny and sets it on the side of his face.

“I love you, Maxwell. I always will.”

“I love you, too. Always will.” Everything with Max came so easy and natural. It wasn’t like that with Patrick, it’s been a much more bumpy road.

“I think I need to go call Pat-we left on bad terms-who knows what he is up to.”

“That’s a great idea. Good luck.”

They hug outside the diner for a while before going their separate ways. Jonny says he will give him a call after he figures everything out with Patrick. Jonny walks away and looks back after he’s a few steps away smiling and waving goodbye.  
_______________

He went a little overboard. His team was eliminated in the first round of the playoffs and then his non-boyfriend who he’s been in love with for 5 years and been sleeping with for 2 went to have dinner with his ex-boyfriend so he got on an airplane to Wisconsin and got a little carried away.

There was at least 10 missed calls from Jonny and twice as many text messages. He doesn’t open them until he is back in Buffalo at the house he owns, the house he bought himself like an adult. The texts are varying messages of “where are you” or “we need to talk” or “i am starting to get worried about you” or “at least the internet has informed me that you are still alive.” The one that he stops and stares at for a good 10 minutes says “i’m sorry for being such an asshole, okay, i have made some mistakes and i get it now and i need to not say all of this over a text message.” It was sent on the second day of his bender. He wishes he would have read it then, he probably would have wised up and saved himself a lot of trouble and internet gossip. But he’s here now. What’s done is done and now he needs to be that adult that he is, the adult that bought this house and everything inside it. The adult that is in love with his best friend. The adult who makes bad decisions sometimes but the adult who needs to own up and call Jonathan Toews.

He picks up on the second ring.

“Hey.”

“Uh, hi, Jonny.”

“Glad to see you have joined the real world again. I assume you are back in Buffalo?”

“Yea, I am. Back. In Buffalo.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m okay. I mean physically there is nothing wrong with me. Look, Jonny. I’m sorry. I made some bad decisions.”

“Pat, you don’t have to apologize to me. I have made some bad ones myself.”

“I just couldn’t deal with it all for a little bit. With losing and then you saying you were having dinner with Max. I just needed to get away. I mean I could of, I should of just come back to Buffalo but I guess what’s done is done, so.”

“I’m just glad you are okay. And about my dinner with Max, I’m sorry it upset you but we just sat down and talked and I got some much needed closure. He actually opened my eyes to a lot of things about my relationship with him and also our relationship. Which is why I was trying to get a hold of you.”

“You talked to him about our relationship? What did you tell him?”

“It doesn’t really matter. He just, he told me that he knew that it was supposed to be me and you, ya know? That that is why he broke up with me.”

“He broke up with you because he thought that we were supposed to be together? Wait. Why couldn’t he have told you that when he was breaking your heart in the airport. It would have saved me a lot of fucking pain. Holy Shit.”

“He said you could give me something that he never could and that I didn’t need him to take care of me because I wanted to take care of you.”

“Is he a fucking psychologist now? Not that I don’t agree with him but, fuck, Jonny, what the fuck?”

“Yea, well, sometimes it’s nice to get some closure. Plus, he’s right, just like you said. He also said you had to grow up a little bit though.”

“Well, I guess I failed in that respect, so.”

“That’s not true, Pat. You have grown up a lot in the past couple of years. You gotta give yourself some more credit. Yea, you made some bad decisions since the season ended but you manned up and called me. You could've just buried your head all summer.”

“Yea well it took me a good two hours of going back and forth before I finally called.”

“Thanks, you know, for calling. I know I have been kind of an asshole for a while now, put you through some unfair shit but you still called Kaner and, just, thanks.”

“Well, I love you, so.”

“I love you too.” Silence hangs over the line for 30 seconds, a minute. He’s digesting it all. Jonny breaks the silence.

“And I want to be your boyfriend. If you want.”

“Yes. Fuck, yes.”

“Ya know, we are usually pretty good about talking to each other about shit but we’ve never really talked about our relationship this much before.”

“That’s because the one time I did bring it up you turned me down, so, ya know, I learn from my mistakes.”

“You really are growing up, huh, little peeks.”

“Please don’t ever call me that again.”

“I’m kind of exhausted now from the heart to heart.”

“H2H as I like to call them. Yea, me too.”

“Let’s take a nap, how does that sound, babe?”

“Sounds great,” both the nap and the babe Pat thinks, “I’m still in a perpetual state of hungover so a nap is always on the forefront of my mind.”

“Call me when you wake up?” Jonny does sound sleepy, he wonders if he is in bed already too.

“Alright.” Kaner is already getting under the covers. “Goodnight, boyfriend.”

“Sweet dreams, Patrick. And I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before but drink some water, it will help with the hangover, ya know.”  
_____________________

They don’t end up seeing each other during the summer because they both have too much scheduled and Patrick is on a management ordered Buffalo hideout plan. He was told to “lay low and make no appearances outside of charity gigs, family restaurants, gyms and ice rinks.” Jonny decided they should probably just let management have their way and didn’t plan any trips to Buffalo because he didn’t want to raise any flags about WHY he was suddenly going to see Patrick over the summer when he never has before. So they are limited to skype and facetime for the entire first month and a half of their official boyfriendhood.

It’s late July and Patrick literally has a countdown set on his phone for when he will be back in Chicago. He and Jonny have set up a Skype date for 4:00. Patrick decides he’s going to get straight down to business and already be naked when he calls.

When Jonny’s face pops up on his screen he initially smiles and Kaner beams back at him. Jonny’s look quickly turns into one of judgement.

“Are you naked?” He really shouldn’t be able to tell if he is naked he could just have his shirt off. Does he have a naked facial expression?

“Uh, maybe? I think the better question is why are you NOT naked?” Jonny looks freshly showered with tossed hair (it’s getting really long and Pat kind of love it) and Blackhawks practice T.

“I can’t believe you’re already naked. I kind of like the whole disrobing part.” He says that but Pat thinks he sees Jonny’s right arm surreptitiously moving and he can picture exactly how Jonny is rubbing himself.

“Whatever you know you love it, I mean I guess I can go put some clothes on...” Pat stands up and his half hard dick is right in front of the camera, right in front of Jonny’s face. He watches as Jonny’s eyes hyperfocus for a second.

“No, no need, I mean, yea. No, just stay like that.” Kaner sits back down and smiles into the screen.

“Take yours off. But back up a little bit so I can watch the whole thing.” Jonny chuckles at him and stands up and takes a few steps back until he is standing right in front of his bed. The afternoon sun is coming in through the skylight in Jonny’s bedroom and it’s ridiculous how fucking hot he looks to Pat. “You’re so fucking hot baby.”

“You too.” He’s got his shirt off now and is kind of teasing at taking his sweatpants off. After pulling them down with his thumbs to free his hard dick, which elicits a ‘oh yes’ from Patrick, Jonny turns around and takes his pants the rest of the way off. This is the most gratuitous thing Patrick has ever seen Jonny do and it makes Kaner’s stomach drop and his heart speed up.

“Holy shit, Jonny. This is going to be over so fast.” Jonny sits back down at his desk and repositions his computer screen so that Pat has a more full body view.

“Yea? Tell me why.” Kaner doesn’t even know what he starts saying to Jonny but after he comes he sees that they have only been on the line for 10 minutes which he thinks is kind of embarrassing, they were only jerking off. But it’s been a few months for both of them so they don’t feel too bad about it.

“So, I will be in Chicago in 4 days.” Jonny says after they have calmed down a little bit and cleaned themselves up.

“4 days, eh? I will be there in 5.” Kaner can’t wait to be back in Chicago, back to hockey and his life and back to his boyfriend.

“Can’t wait to see you.”

“Me either, baby. It’s been so long.” He can’t believe he calls Jonny baby but he said it once (Jonny is forever referring to him as babe) and now he can’t stop.

“I’ve gotta go get ready for dinner with David and his girlfriend, I’m gonna have to take another shower.”

“Sorry bout that.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” Jonny blows him a kiss before he disconnects the call. Patrick jerks off again in the shower. He wishes he could wake up and it would be 5 days in the future.  
________________

Jonny goes to pick him up at the airport because it seemed like the right thing to do and he didn’t want to have to wait any longer to see his boyfriend. He parks in the short term parking lot and tells Patrick where he is so he can meet him there. Patrick thinks he is being a little bit too careful but doesn’t argue with him.

Jonny is leaning on the open trunk of his car waiting when he finally sees Patrick pushing one of those carts with all his luggage on it. He can barely see over everything that is piled up and it makes him laugh to himself.

“Hey.” Pat says around a smile.

“Hey.” He takes the hockey gear and shoves it in the trunk. He takes the other suitcases and put them in the back seat. Patrick brings the cart back and Jonny gets back into the driver’s seat. When Patrick joins him they meet each other halfway over the center console in a “hello-we-haven’t-seen-each other-in-two-months-and-now-we-are-boyfriends-” kiss.

Jonny pulls away first and takes a deep breath with his forehead pressed against Patrick’s. “I missed you, Kaner.”

Pat sits back in his seat and puts his seatbelt on. “I missed you, KANER? Really? No babe?”

Jonny looks over at him and raises his eyebrows at him. “What?”

“Is babe only a virtual thing you say over the phone or internet? Is that how it is going to be?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I just missed you okay? Geez.” He accelerates out of the parking garage a little too fast for the 15 MPH speed limit.

“I missed you too, Jonny.” Patrick reaches his hand over and rests it on Jonny’s knee. “So where we headed?”

“I thought I would take you out to lunch.”

“Oh really? Not straight back to your place-you seem a little sexually frustrated.”

“Shut up, BABE. Sex is something we have done, a lot. Going on a date is something we’ve never done.” Pat can’t help but smile his face off.

“Wow, I always knew you were the romantic type but I didn’t think I would see the day when you used it on me.”

“Well you are my boyfriend, so.”

“Say it again.” Pat can see they are headed to the suburbs.

“Say what again? That you’re my boyfriend? Patrick Kane, you, are my boyfriend.” Jonny is grinning and glancing over at him as much as he can.

“Again.”

“Seriously, Kaner? Do you want me to shout it out fucking window?” He rolls his window down and looks over at Pat. “Because I will if you want me to.”

“I do. Want you to.” Jonny sticks his head out his window.

“DO IT!” Kaner yells.

“I’M JONATHAN TOEWS AND PATRICK KANE IS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!” Jonny and his wind blown hair and his pink tinted cheeks pulls his head back into the car giggling and Pat can’t help but put his hand in his boyfriends hair, kiss him on the cheek and whisper in his ear, “I love you, you freak.”


End file.
